I have an unfinished project for tonight. I feel bad habits forming. A few months ago I declared freedom for orphaned art that was in my studio. I vowed to rescue them and bring them to completion. I have done that with a few, but as I near the middle of this year-long project, I realize that I now have more unfinished work than when I began. That is not good. I knew earlier today that I would have difficulty getting to a project because of other plans. We drove to our daughter’s apartment to spend some time with Jessica and her husband, and to enjoy a lovely dinner. (Thank you Jessica. It was delicious!) I set out for the day with my art box of pens, pencils and charcoal, but forgot to bring my sketchbook. Jessica was kind enough to give me some paper, and I decided to create another book-plate, but chose to do a very intricate design that I didn’t have the time to complete. In other words I have a perfectly legitimate excuse for not getting finished tonight. As for the other projects? I simply have fallen back into putting what is important to me at the end of the line. Dan and I were discussing my project yesterday, and I pointed out that I didn’t give myself a day off at all for this project. With the exception of one of the several days that I had pneumonia, I have written and worked every single day since April 13th. My brother-in-law is an artist, I’m sure even he takes days off, and as Dan pointed out, it’s all his brother does, its his job. I on the other hand still cook two to three times a day, clean house, do laundry, garden, do the family grocery shopping, and numerous other projects around the house. There is also trying to reach out to my Dad several times a day by phone to help with his loneliness, to schedule help for him, and to let him know what is on television that might fill his time. There are so many projects that I have started at the last-minute, written about and posted half done, fully intending to finish them, but then they get pushed to the back of the line the next day. Tomorrow I will take stock of what is done, what is half done and prioritize my life. I also need to raise the white flag and ask for help. I try to do everything for everyone I love. I need to remember to love myself a little as well. Finally, I really need to ask myself if I haven’t fallen back to the worst habit of all, doubting myself and my abilities. I haven’t written too much about “not good enough” in a while, or about my fear of being judged, but I need to look at myself in the mirror and face the truth about what is really going on here. I hate to go back to the dieting metaphor, but much like when I am tired and give myself an excuse to eat too much, I am finding excuses to not finish the work. Why is it so easy for us to ignore our own needs? My halfway point arrives this weekend, time to take control once again and give myself permission to have the artistic life I deserve. 
Home » Drawing (Page 9)
Category Archives: Drawing
Finding Meaning In The Words Of Others
I started a new piece of upcycling the cabinet doors tonight. I decided to turn one into a table. There are recessed panels in the doors, which call to be filled. So far there has been the child’s chalkboard, the cheese tray, the menu board, and the piece of art I made for Dan with the business card from our anniversary dinner in Paris. It occurred to me today as I looked at one that the surface could easily be used as a table if I cut a piece of glass to set into the recess. I began to tinker with the idea of creating a piece of art to put under the glass and turned to my new-found love of pen and ink. I decided to draw an open book, but then decided the book needed to be written in. I have mentioned my love of quotes. I went in search of one pertaining to books and found this one by Cicero, “If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.” I feel that way. I consider myself very lucky to have what I have in my life. Things are not perfect, Dan is still looking for a job, my Dad is getting older, and more frail, my knees like to remind me daily that they are not happy, but I am. We are readers, we love books, there are people who think we own too many books, though I strongly disagree, one can never have too many books. From our living room/library windows there is a view of our beautiful garden. One of the pleasures of Southern California is that there is always something in bloom. I can sit in that room with the person I love, surrounded by the books I love, and gaze out at the beauty in the garden, my own little heaven on earth.
In my search for a quote I also came across another that really spoke to me:
“Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers.” Issac Asimov
I mentioned my knees, I have often said that I will take all the pain that my knees have to offer, but I can never lose my hands. Mr. Asimov’s quote is the perfect explanation of my blog, and a perfect explanation of my creativity. I spoke last night of the disconnect between what is in my head and what I hope to put on canvas. I may not get exactly what I want, but all that I am comes through these hands. I struggle daily to think of what it is I want to do artistically, but every night I sit here in front of this computer and think, and then I type. I never plan on what to write, I simply sit here and it flows out of me. I have always loved to write. I have many short stories in notebooks, and pages of poetry. I don’t share most of it with anyone. Dan of course has been the recipient of more than a few poems. Now I’m wondering if its time for those other pieces to see the light of day as well. Something to think about.
More work to be done on this piece. A last-minute addition of a trompe l’oeil pencil. I also think the addition of some color around the edges is called for, but that will have to wait until morning.
Life Changes
I started a project for tonight, a watercolor of the daughter of a friend, but didn’t manage to finish, and I’ll be saving it until tomorrow because its actually a surprise. I’m not sure if this particular person reads my blog, so I am hanging onto it until it is finished. In the meantime, my friend Emily is getting a new bedroom design, (she is four for those of you who might be unfamiliar. We recently played a fabulous game of Barbie’s.) Emily loves mermaids, and so I decided at the last-minute to do a little something for her. I have contributed a few things for her room, but her Mom is my friend Theresa, who is a very creative soul, and the room is adorable. I miss decorating my kids bedrooms, and so much more. My kids are much older, actually my youngest will be moving out soon. I guess I’ll soon be an “Empty Nester”. You hear these terms as you are aging and it seems so far away, like it’s for “old” people. I don’t feel old, and neither does Dan. It is strange to be at an age where much of the world begins to become dismissive of you. I saw a movie recently with Michelle Pfeiffer in it. She is a year older than me. I wasn’t crazy about the movie, but very pleased to see that she is aging like a normal human being. So many women on television and in the movies are looking scary plastic. I’d like to remain as human as possible. In so many ways because of this project in particular, I feel reborn. It truly is the first time in my life where I wasn’t so busy being daughter/sister/wife/mother, that I am just being myself. I of course still have children, still worry like a lunatic about them, and have my husband, and couldn’t love him more, but have come to understand that this is my time. Dan has been more than incredibly supportive of my artistic endeavors. There are days when I fall into the old ways and bury myself in the stuff of life, and it is he who is asking if I did my project yet. The days ahead seem a little strange. I’m so accustomed to Brian being around that I think I may be a little lost for a few weeks. I don’t worry too much about the growing older aspect of life, I’m just really grateful that I learned to love myself and to think about myself while I’m young enough to enjoy the time. And as I liked to remind my daughter Jessica when she was a kid, “Madonna is older than Mommy”. I’ll always have that.
Sophie
No long rambling tonight. I think I did enough of that last night. I spent the day working on some furniture refinishing, and because of that, and not one, but two long walks today, I’m running late. Dan and I are going to a wedding in less than two weeks, so it’s crunch time. There are two dresses, the one I want to wear and the one that fits. I need an early Christmas miracle! We managed between the two walks to get in about an hour and twenty minutes of exercise, hopefully between that and a lot of prayer (and less cheese), I’ll get into what I want.
I was a little tired for art tonight, I did a lot of sanding by hand today and my hands were feeling it. One of our cats, Sophie, was kind enough to pose for a quick sketch. I was searching for a project and there she was. A little charcoal sketch, something I think I need to more of. 
Do You Really “Like” Me?
My husband writes a blog, its nothing like mine, he wouldn’t consider himself an artist, but I think he is wonderfully creative in many ways. One of which is that he is a good writer. We had a conversation the other day about our respective blogs. I write every day, he writes when the mood strikes. We are both very curious about something. When we write about something serious, something that we feel is important in our little part of the world, we get maybe one, maybe two “likes”. When we write something that we feel isn’t up to par, our “likes” go through the roof. ?????? We are puzzled. If it happened to one of us then we might reason that what we feel is our better writing is crap, and in this apparently alternate universe we reside in, our not so good stuff is stellar. However, it is happening to both of us, and our blogs couldn’t be more different, in content, in writing style, and quite frankly, mine has more pretty pictures than his. (He occasionally posts a photo.) I wrote a post the other evening about hearing my couch call to me. It is one of the highest amount of “likes” I’ve received. I was a little delirious with pain at the time, and I think my writing reflected that. Now my brain hurts. Do I write better when in pain? Will you “like” me if I stub my toe before I blog? I know it can’t have been the artwork from that night. It wasn’t my best, and actually since this started out as a blog about my art as well as my life, I’d be horrified if you thought that was my best. I believe that I have produced some really nice pieces in the last few months with not a lot of feedback. My son said something last week (in his superior “I’m younger and smarter than you” best), he said that he thinks people who write blogs are self-serving. (He has his moments as a compassionate and understanding human being, this was obviously not one of them.) I think he’s just pissed that I started one first. (Just like the tattoo story…another time.) I explained to him that I started this blog because of the 365 project. I was hoping it would change my life, and it has. I also knew that I never do anything for myself, and would continue to ignore myself, and to feed my “not good enough self” that lives in the recesses of my brain unless I made it impossible to quit. The blog was born. As I explained the other night, I’d feel too guilty if I didn’t follow through. (Thank you Sr. Rose Vincent, Sr. Therese Angela, Sr. Aloysius, and all the other nuns who participated in my “guilt” education, and of course an honorable mention to my parents.) I wasn’t looking for accolades when I started this, I was looking for pressure. I succeeded beyond my wildest imagination. I feel like I’m back in high school and I want people to like me, gross. When I was in high school I never cared if anyone liked me. So I find myself at odds with myself. I have to admit it, I want you to like the art, it means a lot to me, and I hope you enjoy my ramblings, as for me personally….
For tonight another piece of pen and ink for my upcoming endeavor.
P.S. The couch says “Hello”.
Heading Into Midterms
At the birth of this project the object was to use up the supplies I have on hand in my studio. The project evolved into much more than that, but the original purpose is still a challenge to be met. It’s been a while since I’ve written about my artistic self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy due to my lack of artistic schooling. I bring it up again because I am nearing the halfway point in the promise of a year of art. I am roughly two weeks away, and decided to step back a little and check my progress. I have produced a tremendous amount of art since April when this all began. Not all have been pieces that I love or even like. There are some that I am immensely proud of. It is without question the most productive I have ever been artistically. The state of my studio? It pretty much looks the same. I have gone through quite a bit of watercolor paper, several canvases, some drawing paper, but for the most part it looks the same. Which is strange considering that a great deal of my materials have made their way down to our dining room, our family room, our guest room, the kitchen and even the garden. In terms of cleaning out my artistic refrigerator, I am a total failure. I might also mention here that I tend to be a bit untidy as an artist (OK, in other areas as well, particularly when creating in the kitchen), I’m working on it. However, the clutter in my brain is beginning to straighten itself out. Not that I don’t still have total meltdowns and think my work is crap. Years of self-doubt aren’t that easy to shake off. It is just that I am feeling more fearless in my art. I don’t give up when I begin to feel “not good enough” trying to sneak back into my brain. I do have to admit that there are a few recently orphaned canvases that need to be addressed. Oil is still my big hangup. Patience is really in need of attention.I have of course recently professed my new-found love of pen and ink. My watercolor skills are much better than I realized. So as I near that halfway mark I think I’m doing OK. I give myself high marks for growth in artistic confidence, but I am failing in making myself and art a priority. I am still cranking this work out after dinner. That’s right, ninety percent of the work that I have produced and posted on this blog have taken place between the hours of seven and ten at night, including writing. I guess I have to stop and ask myself what the problem is. What is the roadblock in my way? I don’t know. I do know that I can see what I am capable of in three hours, imagine what I could do if I actually gave myself time.
I decided to head up to the studio and dig out something different. Pastels. Which I will now admit I am discovering are not my favorite medium. The point is to use up the supplies. I’m trying! This piece is based on a photo from La Jolla Cove here in Southern California.
Living A Better Life
While I was at my Dad’s house I looked through his old photo albums. I ended up bringing quite a few photos back with me to repair. I’ve gotten pretty good with Photo-shop, particularly on the old damaged pics. Some were photos of my grandparents when they were young. Those pictures got me thinking. I wondered if my grandparents thought about their lives, if they were satisfied, or if they ever gave it any thought at all. We live in a very me, me, me, society. Some of that I believe is good. I think if we are allowed and encouraged to grow as people it benefits us in a multitude of ways. At the same time, in all of this self focus, do we lose sight to those around us? Is it possible to satisfy your own needs without taking into consideration the needs of others? Yes and no. One of the books I really enjoy, and have reread many times is Mitch Albom’s “The Five People You Meet In Heaven”. In essence the book speaks to how each moment in our lives we touch others in ways we don’t even realize. I think about that a lot. I’ve mentioned before that I like to think about being the “nice lady” someone remembers from their childhood. Just think of the difference we could all make if we thought about that every day. A smile, a compliment, an open door for a stranger, simple acts that cause a ripple effect. It is so easy to change the day of another person. When I think back on my life I can remember moments that make me smile with the memory of something I did that I know made a positive difference in the life of someone I barely knew. Unfortunately I can also look back and remember when I wasn’t my best. These days I’m working on always keeping what is really important in life at the top of my list. I believe as I grow (yes, even at my age…), in particular through this project, as I am more content, as I am happier, I want others to feel the same. Things that bothered me in the past seem silly now. Anger has changed for me as well. I am angry about things that I see happening in the world that I cannot change, but I am finding it difficult to be angry with those I love most. Learning to let go of nonsense makes for a better life. Focusing on who and what we love can change all of us. Thinking about those single moments with the people you love, as well as those you will never know but have a split second with, can change a life, and you won’t even realize you did it. I guarantee that in that instant you can make the world a better place.
In amongst the photos at my Dad’s was a picture of my cousin Lorna’s son Oisin. As the world around me moves at lightening speed, Oisin is quite a bit older than when this photo was taken, but I loved it. Like the painting from last night it called to me. I experimented a bit with mixed media for tonight. Watercolor, pencil, and pen.
The Written Word
I have mentioned in the last several weeks that Dan and I are planning a business. The sales of books will be part of that business. We are both readers and book lovers, and we are proud to say our children are as well. In this day of electronics we still enjoy the feel of the book in our hand. I purchased an electronic reader for Dan a few years ago. He had insisted that he didn’t want one, but then on a business trip had found himself stranded at an airport that didn’t have a book store. He used the device quite a bit in traveling, and a little bit here at home, but eventually it gave way to the next device, on which he has very few if any books. I inherited the old one about two years ago, and as of yet have not put a book on it. I actually gave it to our son, and I believe it is somewhere in the pit of despair that he calls a bedroom. I have a favorite book, Jane Eyre. It was assigned to me by Sister Charlotte in my freshman year of high school, I dreaded reading it as I am not fond of the old English style of writing. Then I read the book, and read it again, and again. I believe I am somewhere past thirty times at this point. I even treated myself to a very early edition a few years back. Last year when the new Jane Eyre film came out I waited anxiously to see if for once someone would get it right. I’ve seen several versions and the casting has been way off. This was no exception, Mia Wasikowska was perfect as Jane, but Michael Fassbender is far too handsome for Mr. Rochester. I need to cast the next version, and by the way, I was the one screaming out in the middle of the movie, “That never happened!” Anyway….my point is that I love the written word, I love poetry and song lyrics, books of all kinds, and quotes, love, love quotes! Books were the escape for a lonely girl with no friends (I believe I’ve made reference to my dear Nancy Drew in the past), and the extraordinary Diary Of Anne Frank. I could go on and on, there are so many books that have meant so much to me, and given me great joy as well as great sadness. When I hear that a book has been banned I can only wonder what everyone is so afraid of. The written word is a gift, sharing a favorite book, or story connects us all. Our hope is to share our passion with others. I somehow can’t imagine that when I am blessed with a grandchild that I would want to give them an electronic device as a keepsake for their first birthday. The Velveteen Rabbit looks much better on paper. I didn’t have a lot of time for art today, something much more pressing took precedence (explanation below). I did exactly what I hoped to tonight, which was more pen and ink. Not as much as I wanted to do, but I believe something I will be using in my new endeavor, a book-plate. Pen and ink and colorized in Photoshop, with text added. Post of original sketch and finished book-plate.
As for what took precedence today? Twenty three years ago today I gave birth to a beautiful eight pound nine ounce boy, who has now grown into a wonderful young man. Happy Birthday Brian. Love you! (I know, its embarrassing, but that’s my job.)
The written word from me: Time knows no master, memory is our only ally, so make them good ones. You can quote me on that.
Newfound Passion
As I travel through this artistic journey I have learned a great deal about myself. I’ve changed in ways I hadn’t imagined. As I’ve mentioned before my artistic confidence is growing. My aggravation with perspective is growing. My impatience isn’t waning. My time management is improving slightly. One thing I hadn’t expected to find is a love for a form of art that I hadn’t set out to explore. For me it has always been about oil painting. I’m not quite sure why, and I may have even mentioned it before, but it is the medium I’ve always wanted to be skilled at. I still love painting, still love oils, the fluidity, the way they blend on a canvas, but I am beginning to feel differently about my focus on them. I’ve done a lot of watercolor since I began this project. It started out as a convenience more than anything. I’ve always liked doing watercolors, but hadn’t really tried anything too complicated with them. Sometimes its just easier to pull them out along side a cup of water, cleanup is definitely less trouble, especially the brushes. Now I find that I’m really beginning to enjoy the work, but the art form that is calling to me more often these days is pen and ink. I actually think it’s a little odd, mostly because it seems awfully mathematical to me, and the devil on my shoulder…perspective…can also be an issue (as always). I spent a couple of hours working on the piece for tonight and enjoyed every minute of it, so much so that I can’t wait to do another tomorrow. We had purchased an antique frame in Chicago, from the moment I saw it I wanted it for our upcoming business. I wasn’t sure exactly where we were going to use it, but it is such a beautiful piece I knew we had to have it. The paper in one of my sketch pads is the perfect size for the frame opening, so I decided to create a pen and ink drawing that we could copy and change as needed. I’m thrilled with the results. I’m posting a photo of the original in the antique frame, and a second that I scanned and tinted the edges of. I’ve owned these pens for years and until I started this project I hadn’t paid much attention to them. Just one more reason to be grateful for starting this year-long project that I know in my heart is only the beginning.
Perspective Without Pain
As always to give credit where credit is due, “Perspective Without Pain”, is not my title, but the title of a book that I took out of the library tonight. The author is Phil Metzger. I think we all know by now that my perspective leaves something to be desired. Do I already own books on perspective? Of course I do (and there is of course that perspective DVD I mentioned two weeks ago, you know the one I actually took the wrapper off of? We won’t discuss the fact that I haven’t watched it yet), but tonight while at the library looking at the art books this title caught my eye. Despite my collection of art books, including several on perspective, I found myself buying into the title. It called to me like a late night infomercial for weight loss. You know what I’m talking about, you can’t help yourself, some impossibly perfect human being comes on-screen looking fit and toned and promises with the help of some contraption left over from Cirque De Soleil try outs you can look the same. You know in your head it is nonsense, but in your heart you really, really wish it was true, and that easy. I checked the book out hoping to crack it open and find some ancient secret from the Old Masters and solve my life long problem. With bated breath I opened the book and…practice, that’s it, practice. The author gives some wonderful advice, I actually took some, but for the most part the books suggests working on perspective as much as possible. What? No Jack In The Bean Stalk magic beans inside? Practice? Quite frankly, I don’t want to do that. I’m looking for the fairy dust that will suddenly give me the perfect angle. Unfortunately it means homework, yuk! And this after I spent the day gloating that I no longer have to do back to school nights. Have I mentioned that I dropped out of interior design school? Why? Perspective and geometry, the two great evils of the world hand in hand, working together in drafting class, it was more than I could take. So much creativity comes to me so easily that I am a little spoiled. For tonight I did homework, a little perspective work. Just a few small drawings. My laundry list of things I need to do in order to be the artist I want to be is getting longer, but I’m happy to at least be at a point in my life where I’m giving myself enough time to make a list, and then actually attempting to work on it. 
jacquelinezuckerman's Blog 