Labor Of Love

I am still in the midst of the project of last night. As so often happens to me, I have fallen in love…with this project. I am spending entirely too much time on it to ever see a profit, but I honestly don’t care. I love creating, I love drawing, I love painting, I even love sanding wood. When I find a project that really appeals to me I can very easily get lost in it. Dan often remarks to me that I need to consider my time when I am calculating a price on a piece that I’m going to sell, but it just doesn’t work that way. I never think of myself as an “hourly” employee when I work. As for price, well, every piece is priceless to me. I probably won’t ever get paid back for all of the time I’ve spent on art, but I earn so much more in pleasure and satisfaction. Some things are so invaluable that they can’t have a price. There is no cost to be placed on my thoughts, my visions, my inspiration, there is only in the end the work. My satisfaction comes from knowing that someone else buys the work, loves the work, and shares the work with the people that they care about. Somewhere out in the world something I created is possibly the thing that someone else in the world treasures, and that is payment enough. For this piece I can only hope that it speaks to some romantic soul who wants to express them-self but doesn’t have the words, or the creativity.

Speaking of romantic souls (me), I met my husband twenty-eight years ago today. It was like a bolt of lightning then, and the sparks are still flying now. I’m calling it quits for the night. A romantic dinner for two at one of the local wineries awaits me. It means my project won’t be finished for another day, but for now my priorities and expressions of love are elsewhere.

Photos of project in process, one finished card, and my beautiful flowers from Dan from this mornings Temecula Farmer’s Market.1 25 (1)

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Small Packages

Back to one of my favorites yet again. I came up with an idea this morning for a Valentine Day project, it involves my paper burning technique, as well as many other smaller components. It’s again one of the small cardboard soap boxes that I saved from the recycling bin. I used the burning technique on the box, I also took the original hole in the front of the box and cut out an additional piece to create a keyhole. The inside is still a work in progress. Inspired by a gift I made for Dan a few years ago. I made him a small book of the 100 reasons that I love him. It was filled with photos, poems, small copies of some of my work, and little pockets will notes inside. The inside of this box will be a series of cards that pull out in an accordion style. The cards will also have small illustrations, quotes about love, and space for personal thoughts. My plan is to finish the piece tomorrow and place it on etsy. I think any time a gift can be made so personal it makes it that much more special. I want to create a gift that can have some beautiful art, inspiring words, but to also give someone the opportunity to add their own creative touch. A small gift packed with a lot of feeling. I’m not a jewelry girl, or for that matter any expensive gift. I love the gifts that my kids make, a music compilation, a drawing, a photograph that they took, and from Dan, letters. There is nothing I love better than thoughts on paper. Tonight the beginnings of what I think will be a really great project.1 24 (2)

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Tailored To Fit

 

Back in the saddle. I had a good day today. I had planned on painting in oils, but as I’ve mentioned in the last few days, I’m fighting something. I also have chemical allergies, thanks to too many years of using art products without correct ventilation. I decided for once to err on the side of caution and not expose myself to any fumes today. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do as an alternative, but a quick trip to the Goodwill helped make the decision. One of my little secrets are resale shops, not only do I use them to find odd pieces for projects, or small furniture pieces, I also always take a look at the art for sale. Most of the time, actually 99% of the time, I think the art isn’t very good, usually extremely amateur paintings, framed jigsaw puzzles, or mass-produced poster prints. However, some of that art is very nicely framed, and that’s why I buy it. As is the same with most starving artists I have no money for framing. Good matting and framing can cost a lot, its money I just don’t have. Since most of the frames are standard sizes it’s relatively easy for me to find a piece of my work to fit, or to take a blank canvas and create something on it. That’s what I did today. My original intention was to make a print of one of my paintings with my home copier to fit in the frame. Unfortunately it didn’t quite work out that way. The painting that I wanted to make the print of was too small and enlarging it wasn’t the answer. The opening in the mat board was roughly 5 3/4 inches by 12 inches, an odd size to say the least. As I promised last night, I wanted to paint. As I said earlier, not the day for fumes, so I went with watercolors. A few months ago I did a quick sketch of a photo I took at Monet’s house in Giverny. It was of a gardener standing lost in thought as he contemplated the tasks at hand. It was one of those moments a photographer dreams of where a perfect subject appears waiting to be captured. It is one of my favorite photos from our trip. I measured out the size of the mat opening on a piece of watercolor paper and taped it off with painter’s tape. A quick rough sketch, an hour of watercolor painting, and a matted and framed painting, all for $7.99 and a little God-given talent. I’m really happy with how this piece came out, I feel like I got a little of that lost self-confidence back.5 261 23 (1)

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Self Reflection

I had a real crisis of self-esteem yesterday. I think it was reflected in my work last night. I’ve been spending months building my artistic self-esteem project by project, and in one bad afternoon I allowed myself to undermine months of hard work. I thought a lot about that today. I don’t want to give power to those feelings of inadequacy. I’m disappointed that I let those old demons out.

I again find myself having a day where art got pushed to the back burner. I had a lovely afternoon with Gabby (my nine-year old friend). We did homework, and then we made banana bread muffins, and a couple of deep dish pizzas. I have promised myself the full day tomorrow to paint, and I fully intend to keep that promise. For tonight one more mirror pen and ink. I wasn’t up to much, still struggling against something, still have a headache. Grabbed some vitamin C today in hopes of keeping the flu away. Either way I’m painting tomorrow, promise.1 22

Old Habits Die Hard

Bad day today. Still battling something, not sure what, but woke at four with a headache, then again at five, and finally gave up at about six fifteen this morning. Worse yet I was battling some inner demons. Remember “not good enough”, the evil little tormentor that resides inside my brain? Well he made a return appearance today. I haven’t heard from him in a while, but he must have managed to slip out of his hiding space while my head was pounding. I started out the day investigating print and matte prices in order to sell my work. I was feeling confident, and artistically self-assured. I took a break to take Brian to urgent care. (Sitting in a cesspool of illness I’m sure did a lot for my already not feeling good self) I came home with an even more horrible headache. I decided to look at local art groups with the idea of joining one. I began to look at the work of some of the members, and worse yet began to look at their credentials. That’s when the self-doubt began to creep in. I read the educational pedigrees of these artists and felt inadequate. I thought I was past the chip on my shoulder, but I think maybe I had just learned to turn a deaf ear to the voice inside my head. Today it was loud and clear reminding me that I have had no training. Shortly after that exercise in self-destruction I began to organize my work from this project. I opened a separate file on my computer and began to sort through what I felt was “good” work, and copy those pieces into that file. I came up with forty-eight. I have been working on this project since the thirteenth of April and could only come up with forty-eight pieces that I felt were worthy. I went to Dan and told him how disappointed I was in myself. He immediately disagreed, and told me how much he admires what I have been doing, and that the work was good. After I talked to him I revisited my work, the number grew to one hundred and four. I have come to understand that my new-found artistic confidence is more fragile than I realized. I need to remind myself every day that I have talent, that not every piece will be perfect or turn out the way I want it to. It was a long struggle to get where I am, I’m not willing to lose the progress I’ve made. Tonight I attempted a watercolor portrait that honestly I am not that happy with. It falls under the “I should have left well enough alone” category. It seemed to be headed in the right direction, and then…self-doubt. Not good enough, add more paint, try to subtract more paint (tough with watercolor), in the end I added ink, in the end I think I should have left it alone. Tomorrow is a new day, a day to start over and remember that confidence I was building. One step back, two steps forward.1 21

Moody Inspiration

I had intended to do a much larger piece of art today, but I have a sneaking suspicion that there may be a flu in my future. Several friends have been sick in the last few weeks, and although I did get a flu shot, I am feeling slightly under the weather. My head is feeling quite a bit heavier than normal, and it aches as well. Let’s just hope its a travel hangover from the weekend. I did work quite a bit today, but that was on (I hate to say it) fairies. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but they do spread quite a mess throughout my house. We are still suffering a glitter containment issue from Christmas. I have quite a few new ideas that I am working on, so glitter it is. For my blog tonight I did a little experiment. A few years ago I saw a photograph in a restaurant in shades of browns and blacks. I have done a couple of black and shades of gray watercolors before, I wanted to try something similar with the browns and blacks. Inspired by the photo I saw I painted a portrait of a woman’s profile. I like the effect, I do wish I had used a different weight of paper. This is a much more textured paper and I had a difficult time blending. In the end I am pleased with the portrait. There is a moodiness to it that I like. (Maybe because of how I’m feeling!) I think I’d like to attempt one in oil. Before I get to that I do have a number of half done orphans in my studio. Time to do a little catch up, that is if health permits tomorrow. For now, short blog, early to bed, hoping my head feels better in the morning. 1 20

Home

No ruby slippers to instantly transport me home, so another five-hour return drive in the car. No watercolor paintings this time. I was busy taking photographs. I began to play with my phone taking pictures as we drove through the Arizona desert. We’ve made this same journey several times before, and I have taken hundreds of photos along the way both coming and going, but I wanted to play with the filters on my iPhone. I have always loved black and white photography, and there is a filter on my phone named “transfer”, the colors were really different, very vintage looking. I went crazy for both. I shot more than five hundred photos. I couldn’t wait to get home to unload my phone to see all of them. I had been checking through them as we drove and was loving the results. Then I unloaded my phone. Not one photo appeared in my computer with the filter on it. I have been having issues with the phone, but not with the camera. I was devastated, of course me being me, I deleted all of the photos before really looking at them to see that they had unloaded without the filters. I checked with my local tech gurus (that would be Dan and Brian, husband and son respectively) but no one seemed to have an answer. I finally googled it. To my dismay it seems that there is no way to save them with the filter unless you email them to yourself. Ridiculous if you take as many photos as I do, and I had already deleted them. I called the help line (Jessica) who is always quick to help her not so tech savvy mother in a pinch. I followed her instructions and emailed myself one of my photos back out of my desk top, applied the filter and then emailed it back to myself. Success! Now I only have hundreds more to do. (Just kidding) I’ll have to take a good look before I decide which photos are filter worthy. To say I am annoyed with the entire process is a major understatement. However, I did manage to take quite a few photos today that I love, so I will be busy emailing myself for the next week. Because I have nothing better to do.

You have probably guessed by now that I am home, happily ensconced in my nest, and I am. As wonderful as new experiences can be, as lovely as visiting family can be, as intriguing as exotic destinations are, there truly is nothing like the feeling of walking in your own front door, putting up your feet, and letting out a sigh of satisfaction. Our girls, Riley, Mia, and Sophie were glad to have us back to do their bidding. Mia in particular knows exactly what she wants. She walks towards me with determination, hops onto my lap, and demands to be petted as she purrs away. I was tired today, ten hours of travel between Friday’s trip to Phoenix and the return trip today, and my usual restless hotel sleeping, I decided that tonight I would do something just for fun. A watercolor of my Mia. It’s also been quite a while since I threw in a little photography. Some desert shots, one in its original color as nature intended, a black and white, and a before and after with the filter applied (thank you Jessica!) Back to my life tomorrow, with bigger and better art to come.IMG_5105As nature intended…

IMG_4840Black and white Photo Shop

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With” Transfer” filterphoto-2

Out Of Sorts

Two small watercolors today on a day where I am feeling very out of my element. I don’t do well away from home. I am definitely a girl that needs to be in her own nest. Not enough sleep last night, hotel beds are not my friend. A long restless night, after a night when I stayed up much too late. I am out of sorts as well. We head home tomorrow and I am already counting the minutes. I have often said I’d go anywhere in the world as long as I can sleep in my own bed at night. I find comfort in familiar surroundings. It’s silly how attached we can become to “things”, but I am attached. I wake every day surrounded by things I love. We have a lot of things, too many things in fact, but I love pretty much all of it. Not that there aren’t days when I walk through my house and do a mental list of what can go when I downsize. There are things I will hang onto with my last breath, that being said about a year ago as I walked through the house I thought about what I didn’t need, I actually picked up more than forty things that I could easily get rid of without a thought. Some of them are gone, I sold a few of them, but most are still around getting moved from place to place. I miss my cats as well. They are well taken care of by a good friend, but still the mother hen I am worries how they are doing without me. I’m sure while reading this you can realize that even after a day I am homesick. I think being homesick has a little to do with control issues. Really, I think that when I am home I know my surroundings, I am free to do as I choose, but when you are a guest there are limitations in choices, that just doesn’t work for me. I like to be in charge of my day, That may sound ungrateful, I’m not, I am just a creature of habit who is lost without her “things”.  I really didn’t spend enough time working on these paintings today, but I didn’t have the alone time or silence that I need to feel creative, as a result one of the paintings is only half done. The other is inspired by some old Lustreware dishes I own with wispy painted landscapes on them. By this time tomorrow I will be home and all will be well in my world.imageimage

Art On The Move

I’ve got it figured out, the way to make time for art. I simply need to be confined to a moving vehicle with a set of watercolors and a bottle cap (for water, in case you were wondering). We are on the road today, on the way to Phoenix for my mother in law’s birthday. It’s only 1:35 in the afternoon and I’ve completed an art project. (I wont be able to post this until later today because the art is for her.) As always I travel with too many supplies. There is barely enough room for me in the front seat of the car. Books, magazines, paper, pens for pen and ink, pencils, and two sets of watercolors, and I’ll be back on Sunday. I’m not even sure what clothes I grabbed to wear, and I have two pairs of shoes, the ones on my feet, and a pair of tennis shoes for walking. That’s the stuff I don’t care about, well maybe I care a little, I brought four shirts for two days, but what I do care about is being prepared for whatever inspiration strikes. Of course oils and acrylics are back at home, but I can always lay down an idea in watercolor and revisit with another medium later. I did get up this morning and clean the house, but here I am sitting in the passenger seat with nothing to distract me, nothing else to prioritize, no excuses. I know many a passenger would just enjoy the view or fall asleep, (Brian’s been out cold since we left) but I am one of those “ants in your pants” people. I hate, hate, hate sitting still. I always need an activity. For my last five knee surgeries I prepared an activity cart ahead of time, that way I could order my man-servant (Dan) to wheel it over. I had to have something to do when sitting on the couch. Morphine drip in one leg, paint brush in the other hand. To say I have ants in my pants doesn’t nearly cover it. After one of my surgeries I sat looking at our family room fireplace, within a week I had dragged myself over and tiled the front of it. Captive in the passenger seat I thought about what was at hand. Watercolor paper, paints, and a photo of Lulu my mother in laws dog. yesterday I told Dan not to buy a card that I’d make one. I never had the time, but as we take this five-hour drive time is all I have. A portrait of Lulu as a card. This isn’t my first expedition into art in a moving vehicle. I painted almost the entire eleven hour trip on Air France as we returned home from a very belated honeymoon, and I’ve seen more than one trucker do a double take after glancing down into our car.

Lulu in watercolor. Joyce’s adorable Yorkie, Happy Birthday Joyce!image

An Opportunity

I could take last night’s post and rerun it again. Another day when I found myself unable to get to the art I wanted to do. This one brought on by myself. I volunteered to make a cake. Did I invite Betty Crocker or Duncan Hines into my kitchen? Of course not. Dark chocolate with homemade raspberry filling, and chocolate ganache, then wrapped in a coat of dark chocolate frosting. Yum, right? I’m sure it is, but after tasting and tasting and tasting all day I’m done. All made from scratch, everything has to be tasted, I know you’re thinking, “tough job”, but when you taste it over and over, yuck! I actually felt sick. It looks amazing, and I’m sure once my stomach has a chance to recover I’ll be in love with chocolate all over again, right now we are on a trial separation. We would like to remain friends.

Larger art projects will have to wait, I didn’t finish my cake until near dinner, and I have a busy weekend ahead. Of course before I made the cake? Oh, I cleaned the family room, my bedroom, two bathrooms. Did I leave time for art? No I didn’t. By the time seven in the evening rolled around I was upset with the world, but in all honesty its my fault. I am making the choices, no one is holding a gun to my head, yet I keep putting myself off. A few years ago I talked to my daughter about how I saw the women in our family. My Mom never did things for herself. There are times when I think of her now and am filled with sadness for the girl she once was. We have one photo of her where she appears to be twelve or so. She looks so happy. I sometimes wonder who she could have been given the right encouragement and opportunity. I see some of that in myself as well. My Mom gave everything of herself to my Dad, myself and my three sisters. I have followed very closely in her footsteps, and sometimes I feel my daughter on my heels. I told Jessica that I don’t want her to follow in this long line of people pleasing. I want my daughter to step out of my shadow and do things for herself before she learns to regret the time she has lost. I also realize that I need to step out of my own shadow. I have regrets about lost time and opportunity, but my life is still ahead of me, I have an opportunity here to show her it is possible to love your family, but to love yourself as well.

I decided to do one of my favorite types of paintings, every day objects. Right in front of me was a collection of brushes in water. I grabbed the largest one. “Tool of the Trade”, in watercolor.1 16