The “P” Word, Yet Again!

 

Perspective. Just the sound of the word makes me freeze in horror. No, I am not admitting defeat. If you read last night’s post (and twenty other posts about it) you know that my evil nemesis had thwarted my plans to do a painting with perspective. Yesterday I had this grand plan to do a complete series of gates, windows, and doors. Then last night happened. I’m truly not giving up, just giving myself a break from the aggravation and frustration that I experienced last night. What you might find at the very least mildly amusing, is that I actually spent a good part of my afternoon beginning the panels for a paper doll house for a very special little friend of mine. Several weeks ago I did a pastel chalk of Emily. I turned that portrait into a paper doll, complete with wardrobe. Emily the paper doll needs a home, a friend, maybe some pets, probably some furniture for her paper house…..getting carried away here. There is no better thing in this world than the smile on a child’s face, I wish I could do it for every kid. I said I needed to do some catch up on my project, Emily’s house will be part of that. It might not be “fine art”, but quite frankly it’s so much fun I can’t wait to get back to it. I love design. As a child I didn’t really enjoy playing with Barbie dolls, I did however really enjoy designing their house. I have three sisters, and we never really had one of those factory made Barbie houses. We had random furniture, some Barbie, some generic doll stuff. My doll’s house was fabulous! I used a checker board for my flooring, (still love a checked floor) my mother’s jewelry box as an armoire, and her good Waterford crystal bowl as my pool, complete with color tinted water, that was accomplished by taking apart markers and dragging the inside material (not even sure what it is. Felt?) across the water to dye it to my color of choice. When my daughter was young and I worked at a grocery store I brought home empty cardboard cartons, which I then turned into individual Barbie rooms. Wrapping paper wallpaper, carpet sample flooring, artwork cut from magazines, and real fabric curtains. Eventually two stories high along a wall in her playroom. Barbie had quite the pad! I did stop playing long enough this afternoon to do something else for the project, a pen and ink drawing of a Day-lily. The ink sketch is what I will be posting a photo of tonight. Emily’s house is still under construction and will have its own special reveal, hopefully some day later this week. As I said, mildly amusing, the girl who can’t do math, and hates perspective, is creating an architectural doll abode. I guess even when you really don’t enjoy the process, (at least the perspective part) in the end it’s who and what the project is all about that makes all the difference. I guess you might say it puts things in “perspective” ( I know, insert cringe here).7 2

Returning To Work

 

Hello known (and unknown) universe. I’m back for a quick blog. Feeling somewhat better, but still not to be considered a fully functioning human. Tired and winded, it may take a few days to get my mojo back. I thank all who participated in sending me good karma. I did manage in the last forty-eight hours to get something done. Actually, more than one thing since it was my wonderful husband’s birthday. It is also our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary today. I have been couch bound for a week, therefore no birthday gifts, cards, or anniversary card or gift. I don’t know why I have ever bought a single card, I make beautiful cards. Who knows? So I made a lovely birthday card, and then as a combination birthday/anniversary present(s), I wrote two poems, and then did pen and ink drawings to put them on. I’ve posted a photo of the first minus the poem. I think I’ll be doing a lot of watercolor, pencil drawing, and pen and ink in the coming weeks, I need to avoid the fumes of everything else.  I am more than pleased with the finished result, and even better than that, Dan loved them, and that is all that matters. Happy Birthday, and Happy Anniversary Dan, I love you.6 236 24 (1)

Using The Gift

I never quite understand people who,because they have a particular talent believe themselves to be better than others. I have a gift, an artistic one, but so do millions of others. I have often said, “Sure I can draw, paint, cook, do pretty much anything creative, but the laundry list of what I can’t do is ten times longer. There are those who can dance and sing, talents that I would love to have. I am sorely lacking in the coordination department, which essentially cuts out pretty much any athletic prowess. I bring this up for a number of reasons. I have had people suddenly become interested in being my friend because they see what I can do, and trust me, I can spot those ones a mile away. I have had more than my fair share of snide comments from other women who see my abilities as competition. I don’t feel that way about things that other people are good at. I admire what others can achieve. I will admit to having a little “hair envy”, basically mine sucks and always has. These days, much to Dan’s amusement I comment on how nice other women’s knees look. (If you saw mine you’d understand..six surgeries have done some damage) Do I wish I were thinner,richer, or more accomplished? Sure I do, I’m human, but I am more of the mind-set that when someone else looks better, or does something better or different from what I do, I applaud them. I had the conversation that I wrote about earlier in the week, the one that took a swipe at my self-esteem. Then yesterday I saw a neighbor, a woman who I at one time considered a friend. I did a lot for her. I foolishly gave and gave of my artistic self, doing things for her and her kids. She turned into one of the women who made the snide remarks. I’ve been accused of “showing off”, all because I made a beautiful dish to bring to a neighborhood gathering, or gave a hand painted piece of furniture as a gift to a neighborhood child. (Believe me, I was invited to the party for every kid on the street) My point, the reason I write all of this, is that I don’t show off. I never think I am better than anyone else, and I shouldn’t let someone else who has a ridiculous issue about me, (envy) to cloud my thinking, to get in the way of my art. I have given myself a stern talking to, and have had encouragement from a number of people in regards to that post.

Back to the “gift”. The best thing about having the ability to do everything I can do is that I can create something special for people I care about. I have a very dear friend in the midst of a horrible problem. She means the world to me, and other than letting her know that I am here for a shoulder to cry on, there isn’t much I can do to help her situation. We are good friends because we are much the same, nice, decent, thoughtful women. We accept each other, we share our lives, we support each other. We love our husbands and our children. We joke that we get along so well because we are both middle children. She is one of the finest people I have ever known. I can’t fix what is happening in her life, but I can use what I have, my artistic gift, to let her know that she is loved and thought about. So tonight I decided to make my project for her. She will be mad at me, she says I give her too much, but she is wrong. She has given me through her friendship more than I can ever repay. She loves pears. To eat, to wear, (her favorite pear sweater), she has pears all around her house, I think she needs one more. I raved about the wood burning and the pearl paint when I did the table. I’ve been anxious to try something else. I have some scrap wood in the garage, so I drew a quick sketch of some pears, and pear flowers, and grabbed the wood burner. I have barely begun to paint it, but it is late, so I will post part of the started project. I know my friend will read this, she is so very supportive of what I am doing, so I don’t want her to see it all yet.

In addition to tonight’s post is a quick pen sketch. I had a lovely day in the vineyards with Dan. As we sat on the terrace of one of the wineries I drew the scene in front of me. I have photos of this same location and think it just might need to become the inspiration for a painting.leoness photo

Mind Games

I love words. I love quotes. I love the way the manipulation of a few characters of an alphabet can change the course of a relationship, can propel a person to success, even sadly, when used to break a heart. I decided about two years ago to take up collage. This again for me is an exercise in frustration, collage really has no rules to follow, and how can one be perfect when there is no guideline? But what I do love about collage is that it is a place for me to add some words, some phrases, and a quote or two. I have a very different piece of art for tonight. Last night was a tough one. I promised myself that I wasn’t going to let things get to me. I promised that today would be the day where I put my art first. Did I? Of course not. We had plans this evening for dinner at our daughter’s apartment. I needed to bring something so I baked brownies. Then my son told me that while we were out he would be having friends over. You know what that means. On the chance that even one of the twenty-somethings would notice, I cleaned, and cleaned, oh and then, I cleaned some more. We were leaving at three. What time did I start my project for today? 2:45. On the forty-five minute drive to our daughter’s I sat in the passenger seat of the car sorting words. I mentioned above that I love words. I have a box of them. Single words, phrases and quotes cut from newspapers and magazines. All cut out with the intention of working on those collage projects. (I actually did do three or four small ones) Hundreds of little pieces of paper, each one speaking to me, and almost all of them having to do with changing my life. I had decided that for tonight I would use some of them. I’ve been cutting them out for years, and they waited for me to get where I am now. That was the first part of the project, choosing words. The second part was deciding how to use them. It came to me as I looked through the box.  I find that I have taken quite a few photos of fire escapes. (Dan believes it is symbolic of how I felt about myself, I think I agree)  When I looked at this particular photo, which had somehow found its way into my box of words, it seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. This isn’t a completed project, it is actually part of a larger piece I started a few weeks back. Tomorrow I will marry them together, but for tonight, and particularly if you read last night’s blog, you will get it. I hope. Image

What I Do For Love

I began tonight’s blog far from my usual spot. Most nights I am sitting in front of my home computer while my dear husband is falling asleep on the couch waiting for me. Tonight I began writing at a local bar/restaurant. Actually, I did my little sketch for tonight’s post sitting on a bar stool. We hadn’t planned to go out this evening, and I hadn’t even begun to think about what I wanted to create for today. We went for a nice long walk this morning, came home to finish a marathon viewing of Top Chef season five, and then I made an attempt to straighten up my studio which thanks to my productivity as of late is a disaster. Top Chef inspired our cooking a lovely New Orleans inspired dinner together. I figured that as usual I would sit after dinner and decide what I would do. However, the Chicago Blackhawks are in the NHL Finals, and though I may have mentioned it, I’m from Chicago. I’ve lived in California long enough to begin to consider myself a Californian (10 years), however, you can take a sports fan out of Chicago, but…No! not me, but Dan. I grew up going to Wrigley Field, I lived in the neighborhood. I have a mild interest in how the Cubs are doing. Dan on the other hand is a fan of Chicago teams, mostly the Bears, but also the Hawks and Bulls. When we realized that tonight’s game wasn’t available on our television I suggested we find it elsewhere. I knew I hadn’t done my project yet, but I can honestly say I have the most wonderful, supportive husband a woman can ask for, so going in search of a game is the least I can do.

So I sit here looking around this very noisy place for inspiration, and quite frankly it isn’t coming. I personally cannot get enough quiet, particularly when I am working. I, in a desperate attempt to find something, began looking through our phones at our photos, and then it hit me. Why not just create the place I’d like to be? I had only a pencil and a small sketch pad so I did a little drawing of a quiet meadow in the countryside. Just a quick post, and quick sketch, gotta get back to the game and my date. In case you are curious, Hawks win!

…Back at home…While unloading my camera I came across some photos from the other day. I’m a good photographer and love to take photos. My son called me out into the garden to see a dragonfly. It was a particularly friendly dragonfly that seems to like our garden. I took quite a few shots and from very close up. So, here is tonight’s sketch, and a few shots of a very cooperative dragonfly.6 6IMG_9747IMG_9797IMG_9717

The Art Of Simplicity

I think I have spent years complicating my artistic process. When you focus on what you can’t do I think it tends to color what you can do. I have now spent forty days on my project. When I started I was focused on this idea of using up all of the materials I had filled my studio with over the years. I don’t think I really thought about the commitment to the work, or how it might affect me, and it has. Over the course of the last twenty years I have started far more projects than I’ve finished. Drawings, painting, even silly craft projects, where something didn’t look right, or I would make a mistake, or more likely, I would decide that whatever it was, it wasn’t good enough, and then the project was scrapped. Even now if I were to clean out the studio, and our garages, there would be a lot of half done paintings, pieces of wood, etc.. I had given up on myself and it is reflected in every unfinished project. What has happened to me in the last forty days is a transformation. I kept my promise to myself, and that’s a big accomplishment. I have produced more than fifty pieces of art in that time. Not every piece is something I love, or even like. But what is important, the biggest accomplishment is that in the process of creating those pieces I struggled with several, and didn’t stop.There were a couple that I was ready to quit, but I didn’t, I stuck it out. Some of those turned out to be some of the best work that I have created since I started this. I believe that forcing myself to confront this mental ball and chain I been dragging along has done great things for me.  My thought process is changing. The thoughts of what I can’t do are straying further and further from my mind. That is because I have forty days of “can do” looking me in the face. When you start something and you are already defeated, you have lost before you have begun. I have a quote on a magnet, I think it is Eleanor Roosevelt, but it states, “Do something everyday that scares you”. I bought it a few years ago when I was in another of the endless “new starts” that I promised myself. Sort of like all the diets that start next Monday, and  trust me I am very familiar with that one. The magnet has been sitting on my drawing table, and I have looked at it so often and thought, “It’s time”. I didn’t do it. I was afraid. Of what? Failure, maybe finding out that after all of the years of “what if?” I might discover that even if I had taken those art lessons I felt cheated out of, I still wouldn’t have been the artist I wanted to be. I am doing something every day, but guess what? I’m not afraid anymore. A little uncertain, yes. A little lost, yes. But things are getting better with every day, with every project. It’s simple. One project, one day at a time.

Two motivations behind tonight’s project. The first is that I am still trying to fulfill the object of the project. I bought a couple of mat boards at Blick last year simply because I liked that the size of the opening was different, it is long and rectangular. So when I went upstairs to see what I would do today I came across them and decided that whatever I did tonight needed to fit in that opening. The second motivation is that Dan likes pen and ink drawings. So for tonight a “simple” pen and ink.IMG_9705

Keeping My Promise

I kept my promise to myself today, I took the time for art. Of course I didn’t take the time until late afternoon. That was because “not good enough” came for a visit. I really don’t like the Mia drawing, and that got in my way. I finally decided that it was time for a change. Remember that this project is about cleaning out my artistic refrigerator. I went into my studio and looked for something different to create with. I decided on clay, the home-baked kind. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do, so I gathered my sculpting tools and headed out to the garden. I thought about flowers, but I wanted to do more than copy nature. I turned to my Pinterest boards for inspiration. The board with the most pins is about quotes. I believe I mentioned before how much I love words. I decided to make a three-dimensional sculpture illustrating a quote. I chose a quote by actress Helen Hayes, if you don’t know who she is look her up!  Of course loving words also means I love books, and we have more than our share in this house!

I love the quote, which states, “From your parents you learn love and laughter and how to put one foot in front of the other. But when books are opened, you discover you have wings.” I like the finished project, although it came out a little “crafty” for my taste. But here it is.IMG_9703

I also added another watercolor. It is a simple illustration with fine black marker added. Someone I love has been hurt and lied about. It is an illustration of how I have been feeling the last few days.

I can’t say or do anything. I feel helpless, angry and frustrated, thus “Voiceless”.

voiceless