Shining A Little Light On The Future

I read somewhere yesterday that an optimist is someone who starts a diet on Thanksgiving. I think we all know by now that I’m not exactly an optimist, although I’m not really a pessimist either, more of a realist. My reality is that the black cloud that has been hanging over my head needs to take a hike. (And I need to lose ten pounds) We actually had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I thought about what I wrote last night. I think I need to just put this year behind me and focus on next year. (Because it has to be better than this one!) Good things ahead.

I did prep work today for some projects I need to get done for my upcoming shows. Cutting papers for decoupage, sanding, and priming. Nothing is ready to post for tonight that would give any idea of what the finished product will be, so instead I decided to post a photo of an older project. I have a lot of odds and ends. Sometimes inspiration strikes. I had an old standing lamp base, and an old ceiling fixture that needed repair. I soldered the two together to make a single piece. I didn’t want to use it as a lamp, but rather as a plant stand. I removed all the electrical wires, added candles and succulents. I have to admit even I was impressed with my results.lamp 026lamp 027lamp 043

A Day To Be Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all have much to be thankful for. Despite my “woe is me” moment last night, I realize I have much to be thankful for. I’m keeping it short tonight. The year is coming to a close. It’s been a tough one. There were of course good things. Jessica’s wedding, and having our families join together to celebrate our daughter move to the next phase of her life.  Brian seems to have figured out a plan for his life, and despite some aches and pains, Dan and I seem to be in decent health. We are down on our luck, but doing better than so many others. I am anxious for the new year, and hope to have much more to be thankful for in the year to come. Finally, to those I love, don’t ever doubt for a moment how thankful I am for you.

Too much cooking, too much eating, not enough sleep, I’m off to seek my pillow.

An addition to Emily’s birthday present. A small watercolor card.IMG_2635

 

Pushing The Limit

It’s just after 8:30 Tuesday evening. I’m sure many people who read my regular ramblings think, “Oh, she is posting early tonight.” I guess in a way that’s true, but in reality it is the end of a fourteen plus hour day. It’s getting near crunch time for my upcoming shows, as well as trying to sell on etsy, and in our local wineries. I’m pushing myself as hard as I can to produce as much as I can, but I care so much about what I do, and the quality of what I produce, that I am not getting as much done as I’d like. That being said, with what I have already sold, and the two Dan left with winery gift shop managers, I have made 98 pieces. I didn’t want to fill my blog with photos of fairies every day, but I’m so tired that I am putting up some of what I did today. I just don’t have an ounce of creativity left in me right now, and my back is killing me from hunching over my work all day. The good news is that Dan brought my “wine fairies” to the wineries today and two of them are considering carrying my item. Dan has been saying for years that I should be supporting him because of how talented I am. I never had the confidence to really try. Now as we find ourselves in a not so great situation I am feeling like I need to push myself. I am finally at a point in my life when I feel like it’s OK to say that I’m good at something. Of course that doesn’t mean I had enough courage to bring my own stuff into the wineries, Dan as always stepped up to the plate. We will know next week if we are in. It could be a fantastic opportunity. I know I shamelessly promoted my esty site here a few days back, but I came up with what I think is a brilliant idea. You know all those wine corks you save from special occasions? I’m turning them into keepsake ornaments. I advertised on my etsy site for people to send me their wine corks with info about their special event and I will turn it into an ornament accompanied by a tag conveying the info. In the process I am recycling corks. Recycling is never a bad thing.

The wine fairiesIMG_2453tag addition IMG_2555IMG_2557I obviously have much, much more, but I am so beyond tire at the moment that I am calling it an early night. I’ll be back at the table tomorrow.

Dreaming Of Provence

Its been four and a half years since Dan and I were in Paris, and there isn’t a day that goes by when we don’t dream of going back. We talk about the trip often, it was for our twentieth wedding anniversary. We couldn’t afford a honeymoon when we got married. Next June we will celebrate our twenty-fifth anniversary, and the plan had always been to go back to France for it. With our current financial situation, and a new business (hopefully) in our future, that seems unlikely. But we can dream, and plan, and we do. We spend time talking about the places we didn’t get to, the places we would like to return to, and our ultimate dream, which would be to take a boat leisurely down the Seine, and explore the villages along the way. Dan is an Air Force brat, has traveled the world extensively. I have spent some time in three countries aside from France, but for both of us France is the place to calls to us both. Dan speaks of moving there, I’d love to, but I’d never move away from my kids. (I realize they will move away from me, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it) If we had gone to Paris on our honeymoon when we were young and first married, I believe we would be living there now. So for now all I can do is sit with the one I love, and share a dream, and sometimes paint a picture.

A field of Lavender in watercolor. Painted from a photo, let’s just dream that at some point I’ll paint one again plein air.11 25

 

Open To The Future

Here I go again, sitting here at ten o’clock writing my blog with blurry eyes. Another long day of working on my fairies. I did sell a few which is of course the point of all of this, but I have this weird thing going on in my head. I had a goal in mind of how many I wanted to have for the show on December 7th. I have been working towards that number, but then I sell one, or two, or as it turns out this week, seven, I find myself thinking I won’t have enough. As I said, the point of all of it is to sell them. I guess my worry is that I won’t have enough physically to put out at the show. I still have thirteen days to work on them, and of course I don’t have to put them up on etsy, I could just save them for the show, but what if I don’t sell as much at the show as I’d like? Do you see how my brain works? I am easily my own worst nightmare. I’m like one of my cats chasing my tail. Any way I make money these days is good enough. I have to admit I am enjoying them, and it does make me happy to sell them. I need to go to bed.  Speaking of my cats…last night Mia made an appearance. Tonight it is Sophie. Every time I sit down to work she sits at my feet waiting. For what? For me to amuse her with something. Its my duty as her human. As always I obey, a piece of string, her favorite.IMG_2475IMG_2476

I’m still struggling to make that time for art. I may be sticking to pen and ink for the immediate future. Tonight I began to think about our business. I can’t wait to get in the space and go to work. I can’t believe how many people feel the need to point out to us that it will be very hard work. We know that, we are hard workers, and I actually love it. The closer we get to making it a reality, the more nervous I get, but I can’t wait to hang our sign that says “Open for business”. I began working on our sign some months ago and haven’t finished it. I need to pull it out after Christmas and get it completed. It is a rather large wood burning project. I want to put our personal touch on everything in the place. Tonight just a little sign to spur us on. I can’t wait until I can hang one for real.11 23

 

The Battle Is Lost

I surrender. The glitter has won. My house is beginning to look a little like Santa’s Workshop. Actually due to my bad knees I’ve lost an inch in height, I believe I am beginning to look like an elf. We had a friend come over for dinner tonight, as she walked in the door and gave me a hug I warned her, “The glitter, it will get you”. She laughed and told me that there was glitter outside the front door. I was so worried about Dan going for his job interview the other day sparkling, I actually brought in the wet/dry vac to get as much of it up as I could. Even my cats are glittered. Of course in Mia’s case it’s because she has some strange need to sit in the middle of my supplies. We keep catching her digging through my boxes looking for little objects to run off with.

See Mia here in a box of silk flowers?IMG_2405Do you see Mia here?

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I’m working as hard as I can to produce as much as I can in a very short amount of time. I’m sure everyone knows by now how much I appreciate my husband. Once again I need to praise him. He made lunch both yesterday and today, and dinner both nights so that I could get my work done. He also sat this afternoon and painted forty little wooden heads for me, painted on their eyes, painted enough hands and feet to match, and traced and cut out the body base. Once again, wonderful! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh, and tonight he mentions that we need to go to the Farmer’s Market in the morning so he can buy me flowers. What can I say, I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Needless to say, (so why am I saying it?) my blog/project is taking a serious backseat these days. I am trying to get to it earlier in the day but stuff just keeps coming up. I even gave thought to putting this project on hiatus, but I know the reality is that if I do that there is a good chance I’ll never come back. My friend suggested I post fairies. Not every night. We are still of course working towards our business. I have more ideas than I have time for in terms of marketing and advertising. Tonight because my day ran late, I did one more book-plate. This one I really like. I really don’t have anything planned for tomorrow other than work. I have a couple of half done projects to get back to. I’d like to have at least one completed for tomorrow night.

My pen and ink bookmark, with a little font help via the computer.11 22

 

Treading Water

I don’t swim. Lessons courtesy of the Chicago Park District were an abject failure. I do however do a wonderful dead man’s float, trouble with that is I’m face down. I lack the skill needed to move my arms and legs at the same time. Too much to think about, my head is full of much more interesting stuff. (OK, so I can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. It is definitely a coordination issue.) I bring this all up because I feel like I’m drowning in too much to do-ville. I am miles behind on emails, sorry Lisa, Karen, and anyone else I am behind on. Phone calls? Just family these days for the most part. Seeing friends? I can’t remember what most of them look like. Getting a business started is no easy task. I also have a very big house which is suffering from three cats,glitter, California dust, and a twenty-three year old (I won’t say who….initials B.Z.) then there is this, my project, and it’s accompanying blogging, and then I decided to sell my stuff on etsy, oh and I signed on for not one, but two Christmas shows. We had fast food for dinner tonight. We never, never, ever eat fast food, but as I watch the waves approaching I asked for a life line, Five Guys Burgers, and by the way, I don’t usually eat burgers. Years ago I worked in customer service, I made jokes about becoming an air traffic controller. My job at the desk included, cashing checks, customer complaints, bottle returns (I’m clearing the cobwebs off myself as I speak…), carpet shampooer rentals, answering the phone, taking the cash pick ups from the register, customer returns, film developing, checking in the armored truck delivery, and more. That seems like a cakewalk these days. First of all I’m older, and have less energy, and at least at the grocery store I had fellow employees. Dan does what he can, but there is a lot that is just me. I think I bit off way more…than I was prepared for. (Bet you thought I was going to say “more than I can chew”. I’m right, aren’t I?) I’ll get it done, all of it. I’ll manage to get the house clean for the holidays, make enough fairies to supply a small fairyland army, decorate my home for Christmas, shop for presents, cook, grocery shop, open a business……help! I’m drowning.

For tonight just a little representation of how I am feeling. A little pastel chalk, pencil, and pen. Wait, not so fast. Notice the fish scales forming on my legs, its my confidence growing, one scale at a time. My head should be above water in about a month.. I am a very determined woman. If you see me face down remind me to turn over.11 20

Observations From The Coffee Shop

I’m waiting. A practice I am normally not good at, but then again it depends on who or what you are waiting for. I’m sitting in a Starbucks in Dana Point, California. I believe it is a fairly affluent community, most of what lies along the Southern California Coast seems to be. At least that’s my first observation.  I’m waiting for Dan who has a job interview up the street. Like I said, it depends on who and what you are waiting for. In my case, my whole world is up the street in the hands of people I don’t know. I can only sit here and wait, hoping that they are smart enough to recognize what I already know. He’s the best man…for the job, as a father, as my husband. Loyal to the core, hardworking, thoughtful, and intelligent beyond description. He’s one of those annoying people who’s turn takes forty minutes playing Trivial Pursuit, or who knows just about every answer on Jeopardy. I asked last night for good karma, I can only hope he feels mine as I write this. Do they care how loved he is? Probably not. Do they care about how many people in our life are pulling for him right now? No. They (and by this I mean all employers) look at a resume and make assumptions, or do the math and figure out how old he is, and then decide he isn’t worth talking to. But if they really did the math they would also figure out just how quickly he went from the guy walking the streets of Chicago selling beer, to running the military for one of the biggest energy drinks in the world, and doing it very successfully. He is the guy who cares about everything he does, no matter what it is. The guy who sees the old person at the store and asks if they need assistance. The guy who can’t walk by someone in need without offering help. Not long ago down in San Diego a homeless guy thanked Dan, not for money, but for the full takeout dinner he bought him from the nice Italian restaurant we were eating at, and more than that, for talking to him like a human being. So people on the other side of the desk up the street, take a good look, and if you see even one tenth of what I see, you will hire him on the spot.

My second observation. When I walked into Starbucks the young man in the line ahead of me was obviously handicapped. He purchased three drinks, and as I watched him put his change in his pocket he handed the barista a twenty-dollar bill, I’m assuming a tip on an order that was less than twenty dollars.Right away it struck me as wrong. I don’t know exactly what was wrong with this young man, but I am old enough to recognize disability. Obviously I don’t know him, he could be a millionaire for all I know, but I just felt that it was wrong to take that twenty. (Then the young barista called me “Miss” instead of “Ma’am” and I forgave him on the spot….just kidding) As I sat sort of stewing about it I remembered something out of my own young past. Mr. Norian. He was a customer at the grocery store I worked at. Cute as a button, probably in his 70’s. Actually if Dopey of Seven Dwarfs fame came to life, he would look like Mr. Norian. He came in the store almost daily. He would flirt with all of us girls in the service desk, sometimes he would bring us coffee. He really liked me, and there were days when he would come in and ask to take me to lunch. I always went. It was always at the Burger King across the street. It went on for several years. Turns out when all of us “Dominick’s Girls” got together, we all knew him, he was doing the same thing at about four stores. Then came they day when we all found out the truth. Mr. Norian was broke, he was playing the system. He befriended all of us in the service desk, not only at Dominick’s, but also our competitors, Jewel and Treasure Island. He was passing checks. Not to accumulate wealth, but to survive.  We were all guilty of overriding his check cashing limit. He simply wrote checks to cover checks, for years, before it at last caught up with him. I never would have taken those lunches had I known, in fact I would have bought him lunch. As always, I need to remember not to be too hasty in judging someone else. Sometimes you are young and you just don’t know.

Dinner on the other side of the hills, no time for art. I did of course make more fairies today, but I also did a little doodling at the coffee shop.11 19

A Long Overdue “Thank You”

Is there such a thing as a glitter exterminator? It’s as if the glitter is reproducing, is that possible? I invited a friend over for dinner with two warnings. 1. She (who lives alone) would have to sit through The Walking Dead. 2. Expect to be glittered upon leaving. It is only the beginning. I’m fifty-six ornaments in at this point, and I hope to have two hundred by the end of the Christmas season. Once again my formal and public apology to the men in my life for making them leave the house all sparkly.

Speaking of apologies I have a huge one to make. My lovely Aunt Rita sent me a birthday present. My birthday was October 26th. I have reminded myself, and have asked Dan to remind me several times to write a note of thanks. Did I mention that procrastination is as ingrained in me as my clumsiness? (That would be why I am making fairies like a mad woman at the last-minute. It’s not like I just found out that its going to be Christmas) That is why my project for this evening is a thank you card for my thoughtful Aunt. There will be groveling about my not so thoughtful procrastination.

I mentioned a few days ago that I was shamelessly asking people to look at my etsy shop. Never occurred to me to give a link. (You must forgive me. My computer knowledge only goes so far, remember I got an electric typewriter for my high school graduation…yes, I’m that old)

In the spirit of the season that isn’t quite here…an amaryllis in watercolor…for the card, that I will send…tomorrow, promise!11 17

https://www.etsy.com/shop/jackiez59

Regaining Control

I woke this morning and realized I had a decision to make. I could either continue on my current course and find myself falling deeper and deeper into a depressed state about my work, or I could change myself once again. I am seven months into this year-long project, seven months that have changed me in countless ways, not only artistically, but on several levels. In the last few weeks due to things here at home, my Dad’s fall and subsequent issues, Dan’s unemployment, and our business, I found myself feeling anxious and somewhat depressed. I was beginning to lose ground on everything that I have achieved for myself. As excited as I am at the prospect of having our business open, I’m also feeling tremendous pressure, and then what do I do? I add more pressure by signing up for a show. I realized this morning that I was pulling away from my new-found confidence and falling victim to my own self doubt. I have made about thirty-five fairy ornaments in the last three days, but haven’t been doing any art. As I explained to Dan today, while I care very deeply about everything I do, these ornaments I’m working on don’t have the same meaning for me as my other fine art does. I called them “crap” today, which is wrong. They are beautiful, and I truly do spend entirely too much time on them, they are art, but not the art I want to do. I had a little meltdown yesterday. I was working on the ornaments feeling anxious about not having enough done, because I really want to make money for Christmas, and feeling pressure to produce for my project, and of course the million other pressures I put on myself day after day, and I began to cry. I went to my room and just sat quietly for a moment, then came down to tell Dan that I needed to get out of the house for a while. I just needed to clear my head. As always he is wonderful and understanding, and he took me out for a cup of coffee. I came back feeling a little better, and went back to work on the ornaments. I did take time to create the gift certificate I posted last night, but I was still unhappy. It wasn’t by any means my finest work. This morning’s decision was to not give the power back to the me that was never good enough. I do need ornaments for the show, and to hopefully sell on etsy, but I need to give myself the time that I cheated myself out of for far too many years. I took an hour this morning to sketch, and then I worked all afternoon making fairies. I quit at six, Dan and I made dinner together, and then I painted while we watched a movie. A jam-packed day, but a far more satisfying one. I just need to make sure that when I’m juggling too many balls I make sure I’m the one on the top.

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I like drawing and painting ordinary objects. I have a nice collection of depression glass. In that collection I have a couple of really cool kitchen pieces. The one I painted tonight is an old ice breaker. It still has its original green glass bowl. A watercolor.

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