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Lost Day

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It would be nice if I were posting early because I finally took the time for myself, but that isn’t the case at all. For the first time in more than a month I will have no new artwork to post. I will instead post a photo of something a little older. I promised myself that not a day would go by without doing something artistic. What I failed to consider was that there might be a day when I had no choice. I went to bed last night feeling perfectly fine but woke at some point not well at all, I’ll spare the gory details, but I was very ill. Suffice it to say that my bathroom floor and I have a new-found relationship. I’ve spent the day sleeping on and off, and at this point still don’t feel great. So tonight there is no artistic accomplishment to unveil. I will instead attach an older work of art but one of my favorites. I hope tomorrow to be back working once again.

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This is an oil I did based on a photo that I took in Santa Barbara, California. I call it My Secret Garden.

Here Comes The Bride

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Tonight I’m really happy with myself. I spent the day working on two completely different projects, one which I enjoyed, the other not so much. I read on Pinterest how to make a homemade canvas print. It didn’t work on the first try, but that was because I rushed it, the second version came out really good with one exception, I cut the photo just a hint too narrow. The sides get painted black which cures all ills as far as I’m concerned. I didn’t photograph it yet, and I’m tired so I’ll post it tomorrow.

The other project was a crafty sort of thing, which I really don’t do much of, but it still came out well.

After all of that and cooking dinner, it was as usual  late when I started my project. Once I actually got my supplies together and did the basic sketch it was after eight. I once again attempted something I haven’t done before, a watercolor portrait. Earlier in the day I was looking at the photos of my daughter’s recent wedding. I came across more than a few that I loved, but one really stood out. I loved it so much that I decided to draw it, but once I sat down tonight I thought I’d really like to paint it. Because I am the queen of instant gratification I chose watercolor. I knew I wasn’t exactly sure how to do it, but dove in. It’s funny that as often as I talk about the “not good enough” that lives in my brain, I sometimes forget that and forge ahead, and that is always a good thing. I am very happy to say that I think the results are really good. Most especially because I did the painting in about an hour and a half while watching television, in my lap, and with horrible lighting, and it was my first. I think the practice in both technique and confidence are starting to pay off. Here is my beautiful daughter, Jessica.Image

One Brick At A Time

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Happy Anniversary to me! No, not a wedding anniversary, but an artistic one. This post is my 31st. Big deal, right? It is for me. I have never in my entire life produced thirty plus pieces of art inside a month’s time. Other than following a weight loss program several years ago, I have never stuck to anything that was just for me since my teenage diaries. I had intended to celebrate yesterday, but it was Mother’s Day and other plans took precedence. My intention of celebrating was to do something really special for the day, some really great piece of art. So here it is the next day and did I do some really great piece of art? Yes and no, I guess. I have a friend who has hired me to help her with a decor dilemma. As any artist knows, sometimes you work to pay the bills, and sometimes it’s about helping out someone you care about.

My project today is in its own way a commentary on this blog. So many phrases could be applied to this project I have embarked on. Things such as “one step at a time”, “one day at a time”, you get the idea. I have taken this project “one brick at a time”, some days coming easier than others, some days feeling like a total fraud and failure, drowning in my own doubts, but there have also been amazing days when I have produced pieces that I am really proud of. Art that I look at in awe wondering how I did it. There have been a few days where if you’ve been following my blog, you know I just threw something together to get the “homework” done. I also hope that anyone who sees the good work, the stuff I like, that it evokes something inside you like good art is meant to do. So here on my anniversary, and oh so fittingly is today’s work. It took all day. I suggested that my friend might want to add a faux brick wall to the troubled area in her home. She admittedly doesn’t have the vision I have, where it is already a completed project in my head. So I made her a brick wall, no mortar required. I had a very large cardboard box left over from my daughter’s wedding. With Dan’s help I cut it into a 48×50 inch cardboard wall. We then cut out each and every brick from cardboard, I painted the back to match an existing brick wall that is in the room already, faux finished each individual brick to match existing brick using a photo I had taken in her home,and finally (how appropriate), I attached one brick at a time to the wall. So, I didn’t exactly get to create that “amazing” piece of art for today, but I think I may just have created something much more fitting for the occasion.

 

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A Flower For Mother’s Day

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Happy Mother’s Day to anyone who might be a mom and reading this. It is as almost always the end of the day, and I only hope that if you are a mom you had as nice a day as I did.  I spent the afternoon sitting in the garden drawing with colored pencil. It is a photo I had taken at the Virginia Tech Arboretum. My husband made a beautiful breakfast, my son did the clean up. My daughter and new son in law came over in the afternoon, and then this evening my husband made a beautiful dinner.  I specifically asked that no one spend money that they didn’t have. I have too much in the way of “stuff” in my life, I would rather have something personal. I also requested that neither my daughter or son get flowers, I wanted basil for my garden.  Since I began this blog a month ago I have touched on from time to time not having the family support I needed as a kid to pursue my artistic dreams. That is not the case with my own family now. From my husband some always much needed paint brushes and a beautiful letter, My daughter and son in law gave me a new palette, some oils, a canvas roll for traveling with my brushes, and a small and really small canvas. My daughter also gave me a lipstick she knew I would like. My son gave me something really wonderful. He wrote me a poem based on this artistic journey I am on. It was so beautiful and personal that it made me cry. The people I love most in this world get it, they get me and what this is all about. They have all contributed to me feeling good enough about myself to even embark on this kind of project. It means everything to me. My daughter “likes” my work every day on her Facebook page and shares it with her friends. My husband “likes” it with his blog so that his readers see it too. My son sits by my side and helps me choose which shot of my project is the best one to use. I’m keeping it short tonight. No struggles over my work tonight. Just a deep appreciation for the people who love and support me, and who will be there to help me achieve my dreams. A thank you to all of them. I love you all.Image

From My Artistic Fridge Into The Frying Pan

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Tonight’s project isn’t really in the pan, it’s in the oven. Just sounds better doesn’t it? As I promised myself at the beginning of this blog, I intend to use up the supplies in my studio over the course of the next year. I started today with adding a little gold leaf around the table top that I painted. I’m really happy with the results. I need to touch up the underside of the table top, and then Dan will be attaching it to the bottom. I’m not sure if I mentioned it before, but the bottom is the stand from a bubble gum machine that I purchased at Goodwill. It’s an ornate metal which I think will look really good with the top. It is a little too shiny, kind of cheap looking right now, I may repaint it and possibly add some gold leaf there too. I was liking the effect of the gold leaf so much that I looked through my crap to find something else to use it on. I found a cheap unfinished wooden frame from the craft store. I decoupaged some vintage wallpaper on it, and then gold leafed the edges. I also have a book of project ideas. More craft than fine art kind of stuff, but I paged through that to look for other ideas for the day. I found something about transferring photo copies using a black and white copy, coloring the back with light gray marker and then transferring it onto another piece of paper. I did it twice, followed the directions exactly and it didn’t work. I was more upset about using up my gray marker than anything else.

The crafty stuff comes really easy to me. I honestly don’t even have to think that much about it. I wish I could find that ease and confidence with the stuff that does matter to me, the fine art stuff. Hopefully by the end of my year-long process that will happen. I’m hoping to gain confidence, but also I think like any instrument if you don’t use it you aren’t going to play well. I’d honestly at some point like to have enough work to have a show. That would be a real achievement for me. I’d also like to get some prints made of my work. Does anyone who reads this know the best place for that? I’d really appreciate the info.

Back to tonight…What’s in the oven? Not a cake, though I wish there was one. I sculpted a few flowers out of home bake clay. In my search for something to do I came across a rough piece of wood. I’m not even sure what it’s from, but I like the texture of it. I thought adding a few sculpted flowers would look beautiful on it.

I’m back with a finished project. Well, almost finished. I glued down the flowers and then painted the whole thing with a coat of white wash. I’m not 100% sold on the white, but it’s late. Tomorrow I plan to finish the table and post a photo. I also am anxious to get back to my oil painting. I need to see if it is dry enough yet. I feel good tonight about the things I got done today. I felt like I let myself down last night. I need to stop second guessing myself!ImageImage

A New Attitude

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I am definitely feeling a little less stressed about my art. This blog and its daily project have really made me rethink a lot of things. As usual I wasn’t sure what it was I wanted to do today so I looked through my photos for some inspiration. I had taken this photo somewhere along the road back from Vegas. The cafe is abandoned, or at least looks like it is, but what I really loved was the feel of the building and in particular the striped awning. Even though the windows were covered in paper, the awning gave it a festive look, as though waiting to be reopened for a party. The other thing I liked about it was that I found it reminiscent of an Edward Hopper painting. I have always loved Hopper’s work, I think if I had to choose a style to paint in it would be similar to his.

I have made note in previous writings that my perspective is not all that it can be. I really tried on this painting, which by the way is a watercolor. I carefully measured out distances, and tried to get as much accuracy in my perspective as I could, but quite frankly I still struggled. The good news is that at some point I stopped caring. I pushed ahead and finished the painting. I realized that no one who is looking at this painting is going to care all that much if I didn’t get the doorway exactly right, and I am trying not to care either. I’m not making a photocopy but trying to capture an essence or a feeling, and I hope I have done that. In the end I am pleased. I am learning to not be so hard on myself. To be good at anything you need to practice. My artistic skills have been on the back burner for more years than I care to say. As this project continues I will be working more and more. I have seen some improvement already not only in my work but in my attitude about it. It has been almost a month since I began this year-long project, I look forward to seeing what happens down the line.Image

The What If’s…

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I won’t be showing you all of the piece I did today because it is far too personal, it is a very belated Valentine to my husband. In February I was in the midst of wedding frenzy for my daughter’s wedding and many projects were pushed to the side, starting this blog was one, and the other was a Valentine for Dan. I’ve known since then what I wanted to create, but it was on the list of things to get to that I quite frankly didn’t get to.

I mentioned last night about this blog being sort of artistic therapy. There’s nothing sort of about it. I’m reading a book that a friend lent me last night and the character began to start the “what if” game. We all do it, or have done it, or will do it in the future. It is human nature to second guess ourselves, in particular when we are miserable, we screw up, someone gets hurt or God forbid dies. Our maybe we just think with the what if’s comes the greener grass of the other side. Because of course had we chosen the other path things would have been so much better, right? I began this blog, this project bemoaning my lack of artistic training. I spoke at length about the chip on my artistic shoulder. I have a brother-in-law who is a very gifted artist. When I look at his work I have such admiration for his skill. I have no envy, yes, I certainly wish I had the same skill set, but I find myself looking at what I can do, and then come the what if’s. What if I had gotten that kind of family support? What if I had gotten the same amount of training? What could I do if I dedicated myself to my art? What if I had stood up to my father and insisted on lessons? What if I had taken the job in the art gallery when I was nineteen? Where would my art be? Would I still be struggling to find my artistic voice? The problem with starting the what if’s is that if I had made those choices, any one of those choices my life wouldn’t be where it is now. Has anyone ever read “The Five People You Meet In Heaven?”, by Mitch Albom? It really makes you think about the ripple effect of our lives. All the people we interact with in even the smallest way whose lives are changed in that instant because we are in them. That’s what got me working on the project today. Because when I really think about taking any other journey than the one I have taken, whether the decisions were taken out of my hands or not, there are more reasons than I can list as to why I wouldn’t change a thing. I have two beautiful children, and they are both good, decent and kind human beings. If I hadn’t married my first husband I wouldn’t have my daughter, and without his sister my son wouldn’t be who he is. My path led me to my husband. You’ve heard about finding your “soul-mate”? This is the real deal here. I have a tremendous amount of untapped talent, and its true that I’m not really sure who I am as an artist, but it’s also true that I am a good mother and wife. If I had the chance to go back, the chance to follow one of the what if’s, I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything I’ve done, every place I’ve been, every choice I’ve made, both good and bad, is what makes me who I am, and has given the people who are in my life. And if I ask myself what if they weren’t here, well, that possibility is more painful than I can imagine. My art is here, my talent isn’t going anywhere, what if this project makes it better? That is a what if I can live with.

Hear that sound? It’s the sound of the chip beginning to slide off my shoulder.Image

Old Lessons, and a Still Not Quite Complete Mia

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I finished Mia this morning. Still not completely happy with the drawing, but I think I might have done better drawing a white cat on a paper with color and highlighting with white pencil or chalk. It’s what I had done on the earlier post of the drawing of my grandmother. Sometimes its best to walk away from a piece and revisit it later with a fresh pair of eyes.

I had a realization this morning. Again, when I started this blog I was excited and challenged, but as I wrote last night I find myself not getting to it until later and later each day. I told Dan this morning that it is becoming reminiscent of high school. I did take art in high school. I wanted it as early as sophomore year when I had my first shot at choosing an elective. However, my dad didn’t see the value of it. My electives were gobbled up by sewing and typing/ shorthand, all marketable skills for a young woman who was sentenced to no more expectation in life than that of a secretary or housewife. (Typing? Yes, I’m that old. My high school graduation gift was an electric typewriter, the latest model of course!) Junior year left me open for an elective of choice. At that point my dad had three of us in high school and was probably too busy to interfere. What I should have done was take Art 1, the basics, but what did I do? I took a few drawings and a painting into Mrs. Miller’s office and told her my sad story. She looked at my work and put me right into Art 2. I lost the opportunity to get the basics. I didn’t know any better…..back to the project.

The first few days of this project I was anxious to get to work every day. I truly was excited about what I would do next. Then my bad habit of putting myself last began to creep in just a little further every day. Cleaning, cooking, bill paying, watering the garden and so on. Finding little ways every day to push it further away.  Just like high school. I was excited to get into art, more so that I had been allowed to skip ahead, but as time wore on I began to not do assignments until the night before. There was a girl in my class who quite frankly couldn’t draw very well. We both turned in assignments for a graphic design project, she got an “A”, I got a “B”.  I was incredulous, my drawing was so much better than hers, at least technically. When I approached Mrs. Miller to complain she said, ” No she can’t draw as well as you, but I can see how hard she tried. You have so much talent, but you did that last night didn’t you?” I had to admit I had. She said, “I know what you can do, that’s why you get a “B”. I should have learned from that, but here I am so many years later doing the same thing. I am cheating myself each time I do this without my full effort and attention. Yes, sometimes my life will get in the way. Today my son is sick, but there are more than enough waking hours for me to fulfill my promise in every way possible.

Thank you Mrs. MillerImage

Jigsaw Puzzle Art

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Like the title of today’s blog? I called it that because that is what I feel like I produced yesterday. I decided to go with oils, and also to try something new. Many of my paintings appear flat to me. Again, without lessons I’m not really sure if I do things the way they should be done. I did a small 9×12 painting based on a photograph I took in central California farm country. I am very drawn to old barns, abandoned buildings, old doors and windows, essentially anything that looks lonely, speaks of solitude, and seem left behind. I haven’t mentioned it before but I am also quite a good photographer. My photography is much the same, lonely; there are never people in my photographs. I was a very shy child and sometimes quite lonely. Alone is a place I’m comfortable in. (I’m sure at this point arm-chair psychologists eyebrows are raised.)…back to my painting saga…

I tried to use a palette knife to lay the paint on thickly. My knife was too big for the small canvas, so it quickly became a mucky mess. I scraped it off and tried again. Same issue. At that point I was feeling defeated, I felt like things just weren’t going to go right. My artistic mojo had abandoned me. I almost gave up, but the blog was calling. I kept thinking that I had to do something. My “not good enough” voice was whispering in my ear, “You have other work you can use.” Do you think it’s possible to get Catholic guilt from a blog? I believe it is, because I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t use an old painting, or another piece of art, I couldn’t break my promise to myself. I told my “not good enough” voice to shut up, and I tried again. This time I used a small brush and dabbed the paint on the canvas thickly. It seemed to be working; at least the piece had texture. My husband came in the room and said he liked what I was doing. That gave me the confidence to continue. All in all it took about two hours. When I was finished my husband said he loved it, me not too much. There are particular areas that I like very much, where the paint has a vibrancy that I love, but quite frankly, in the end I don’t like it very much. I wrestled once again with the thought of not posting it, but this blog is about discovering who I am as an artist, so I guess that means warts and all. Even if I think it’s garbage, it will be here. Things will get better, of that I am sure. I have not consistently produced art or painted in years. So I have decided to give myself a break and tell “not good enough” to shut up more often, maybe at some point it may go away.

Oh, the title of today’s blog? When I looked at the painting and told my husband I didn’t like it he said, “I love it”. To which I replied,”You know what it looks like? It looks like one of those awful paintings they turn into a jigsaw puzzle.”

Anyone need a thousand pieces?Image