Home » Posts tagged 'writing' (Page 37)

Tag Archives: writing

When Have I Suffered Enough For My Art?

Posted on by | Leave a comment

It’s OK to laugh now. I mean at me and the things I am about to reveal about myself. In the several weeks of blogging that I have done it has mostly been confined to my artistic troubles. I have let in little glimpses of myself beyond that, but it occurred to me that maybe people might want to read something a little more uplifting, well not exactly uplifting, but it might just give you cause to do that laughing I deemed permissible. For today’s project I decided to work on a small table. I’ll go into the details of it momentarily, except for now to say  that it involved using a wood burner, and it inspired tonight’s blog.

When I was twelve I slit my wrist. Before you gasp in horror let me tell you it wasn’t intentional. Crafty, artistic child that I was, I was in the process of trying to make a present for my working mother. I don’t remember exactly what I was making, but we can all assume it was a project from Highlight’s Magazine, I was an avid reader, and for those of you who are old enough to remember, I still quote Goofus and Gallant. I was cutting a bleach bottle in half with an open blade, it got stuck on the seam so I did what any brainiac would do, I slashed hard at it while holding it in my other hand. My parents were at work, so my big sister put a rubber band on my wrist to stop the bleeding. (She was a freshly turned fourteen year-old, how would she know?) Fortunately my dad came home shortly after that and took me to the emergency room. Two hours later with a butterfly bandage, because it was too late for stitches, and an interrogation by the police officer on duty who I had to convince I wasn’t trying to kill myself, I had for the first time officially suffered for my art. I bring this up because today while using my wood burner I turned to Dan and said that I couldn’t believe my parents gave me a wood burner for Christmas that same year. They gave a burning hot, searing weapon to their daughter, the daughter who accidentally slit her wrist, the daughter who had a gap between her front teeth until she tripped over her sister and smashed her face on the sidewalk, the same girl who can’t tumble, failed swimming lessons, can’t roller skate and didn’t figure out how to ride a bike until she was nine. Did anyone ever get the toy where you poured paint on a spinning device similar to a record player? I got it, spun the paint all over my bed. Stepped on a tube of acrylic paint in my teenage bedroom and shot hot pink across the olive-green carpet. I swear I have no fingerprints, they are all attached to the hot glue that I have had to pull off my burning fingers. My dad’s favorite story to tell about me to anyone willing to listen (and even those who don’t want to listen) is that I failed Phys Ed in high school. It’s true, of course my P.E. teacher is a dead ringer for the witch in the Wizard of Oz, I kid you not, I’ve got the yearbooks to prove it. Then there is of course my six knee surgeries. Tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell down a flight of stairs, fell off a ladder, (twice) tried to hang a kitchen curtain, you get the idea. (Although Dan said he likes to tell people I did it pole dancing. Which might be possible if I could actually get on a pole) What I want to know is if suffering makes your art better, then why aren’t my paintings at the Getty yet?

Now that you all know just how pathetic I can be, I will tell you where I’m not. I took this five dollar table that I bought at a yard sale and am in the process of turning it into something I love. (I have a before photo. I’m not sure where in my pictures it is right now, but I promise to post it when I put up the finished table tomorrow) I had two ideas for it. One would have turned it into something for a kid’s room, but I went instead with an idea based on a piece of vintage fabric. Dan painted the base black for me. On the top I wood burned a floral design that I am painting with those Martha Stewart Pearl paints I mentioned before. I love, love, love them! It looks like inlaid Mother Of Pearl. I still need to draw two more of the flowers for the top and burn them. It is painstaking and time-consuming, but I love the finished look. When I am finished with the flowers I am going to add a light coat of stain.

It’s been a good day, and I only burned myself once!

ImageImage

 

A Wonderful Day

Posted on by | Leave a comment

I had a wonderful day today. We decided to head out for a hike in Torrey Pines State Reserve this morning. It is in La Jolla, California, near San Diego. The trails run alongside the Pacific, and it is spectacular. Very inspiring to say the least. I took more than two hundred photos.  I thought about painting one of them, but I have been anxious to get back to the portrait of Jessica. I am still working on blocking in and building color. As I have mentioned before I feel like my work lacks texture, appearing very flat. The last few paintings I’ve done are better. I want to do the same with this one. I also want to take my time and build it slowly. I was pleased with the progress that I made today.  Although I did find myself adding too much paint and muddying it in the process. I have again put the painting aside for a few days. I am also working on my patience. In the past I would have rushed to finish this painting. I’m not really sure about how, or why I do that. To do the kind of work I want to do I need to learn to slow down and take my time with it.

I also did a little watercolor of a lemon, really for no other reason than I felt so inspired by our morning. I find walking so relaxing, and doing so in such a beautiful place left me feeling stress free and more than happy to get back to painting. Now if I could only live right there…5 30 5 30 2 (1) 5 30 2 (2)

A Not So Original

Posted on by | Leave a comment

Back to full size art! A busy weekend didn’t allow for a lot of time for art. I’m going to pat myself on the back once again for following through on my project. The art may have been small, but I still managed to get it done.

Tonight I decided to work on something that has been on my “to do” list for quite a while. Among my collection of vintage tins is one that I have wanted to reproduce. I love the design on the tin, but it is small, and I’ve always thought I would love to see it enlarged. I wanted to create my own version, one based on the original but not an exact replica. It isn’t something I make a habit of. I have great respect for the work of other artists. This is a project just for me, to hang in my own house. I actually had a long-standing argument with a family member about piracy. The livelihood of so many people can hinge on the work of one person. My argument has always been that I wouldn’t want someone taking my work without giving credit or compensation. I have noticed the work of a few bloggers with copyright posted on it. It is unfortunate that we can’t trust each other enough.

I hope as time passes with this blog to begin to sell my work. Selling has been a sore point for me. I have worked so little in my life that selling a painting is like giving up a child for me. And as I need to remind myself, the point of this project is to clean out my studio as much as it is to produce work. As it stands right now my portfolio is full, and as for wall space in our house, it is almost nonexistent. My son still lives at home, so I have no “empty nest” issues as of yet, but I guess just as I steel myself up for Brian’s departure, I must also do the same when it comes to selling art.

The design on the box is by Henry Clive. I’ve owned this box for years and never really looked at the signature before. I did an internet search of Mr. Clive and have found another artist and illustrator to love. I really had no idea. So with a nod to Mr. Clive, here is my watercolor of his design.Image

Good Things Can Come In Small Packages

Posted on by | Leave a comment

5 25I have to admit that there was so much I didn’t take into account when starting a year-long project, particularly one that requires writing and the creation of a piece of art each and every day. I know that I have touched on this before, but life got in the way again today. It’s a holiday weekend, we had friends and family over today, and so I find myself once again rushing to finish something for my blog. I seriously had several false starts. It seemed as though I wouldn’t get anything done for tonight, and as tempting as it might be, I refuse to put up older work unless I am near and dear to my bathroom floor (which I was, by the way, last week). I feel like I’d be cheating myself if I did, and I have been cheating myself for far too many years. Not every project has to be a big one. Just creating is the idea. I mentioned the 365 Project when I started this, and the tag line on that book states, “Do something creative every day and change your life.” It is so true. Here I am not even two months in and I can feel the difference. Like so many artists, and more so, so many women, I don’t place enough value on myself and what I do. That is changing, I’ve learned a lot about myself in ways I never considered. I’m so excited about the months ahead, wondering where this journey will take me, and anxious with anticipation to see what work I  will produce.

Back to the subject at hand, life getting in the way of my project. I realized tonight that there might be days ahead where it will be difficult to get my work done. There are birthdays, and our wedding anniversary, and other holidays, all of which will require my attention elsewhere. I guess I will just try to take them as they come and hopefully still be able to create a little something. I did just that tonight. From a photo outside Claude Monet’s house in Giverny. I saw a gardener standing still studying the garden and took a photo. It is a photograph that I would like to paint some day, but for tonight a pencil sketch on an artist card. It is only a two and a half by three and a half-inch drawing, but this one I love. I captured the essence of that moment.  It took me back to Monet’s garden, and our journey there. We took the train from Paris to Vernon, and chose to walk the rest of the way to Giverny instead of boarding the bus with the other tourists. The air was filled with the fragrance of  flowers, and each cottage and garden we passed was more beautiful than the last. When we finally saw Monet’s house and garden, I turned to Dan and said, “How could you live here and not paint?” Now I have to ask myself, “How could you have been there and waited so long to paint?’

It was one of ten days in France with the one that I love, and that makes this little piece of art priceless.

The Art Of Simplicity

Posted on by | Leave a comment

I think I have spent years complicating my artistic process. When you focus on what you can’t do I think it tends to color what you can do. I have now spent forty days on my project. When I started I was focused on this idea of using up all of the materials I had filled my studio with over the years. I don’t think I really thought about the commitment to the work, or how it might affect me, and it has. Over the course of the last twenty years I have started far more projects than I’ve finished. Drawings, painting, even silly craft projects, where something didn’t look right, or I would make a mistake, or more likely, I would decide that whatever it was, it wasn’t good enough, and then the project was scrapped. Even now if I were to clean out the studio, and our garages, there would be a lot of half done paintings, pieces of wood, etc.. I had given up on myself and it is reflected in every unfinished project. What has happened to me in the last forty days is a transformation. I kept my promise to myself, and that’s a big accomplishment. I have produced more than fifty pieces of art in that time. Not every piece is something I love, or even like. But what is important, the biggest accomplishment is that in the process of creating those pieces I struggled with several, and didn’t stop.There were a couple that I was ready to quit, but I didn’t, I stuck it out. Some of those turned out to be some of the best work that I have created since I started this. I believe that forcing myself to confront this mental ball and chain I been dragging along has done great things for me.  My thought process is changing. The thoughts of what I can’t do are straying further and further from my mind. That is because I have forty days of “can do” looking me in the face. When you start something and you are already defeated, you have lost before you have begun. I have a quote on a magnet, I think it is Eleanor Roosevelt, but it states, “Do something everyday that scares you”. I bought it a few years ago when I was in another of the endless “new starts” that I promised myself. Sort of like all the diets that start next Monday, and  trust me I am very familiar with that one. The magnet has been sitting on my drawing table, and I have looked at it so often and thought, “It’s time”. I didn’t do it. I was afraid. Of what? Failure, maybe finding out that after all of the years of “what if?” I might discover that even if I had taken those art lessons I felt cheated out of, I still wouldn’t have been the artist I wanted to be. I am doing something every day, but guess what? I’m not afraid anymore. A little uncertain, yes. A little lost, yes. But things are getting better with every day, with every project. It’s simple. One project, one day at a time.

Two motivations behind tonight’s project. The first is that I am still trying to fulfill the object of the project. I bought a couple of mat boards at Blick last year simply because I liked that the size of the opening was different, it is long and rectangular. So when I went upstairs to see what I would do today I came across them and decided that whatever I did tonight needed to fit in that opening. The second motivation is that Dan likes pen and ink drawings. So for tonight a “simple” pen and ink.IMG_9705

The Season

Posted on by | 1 Comment

It’s Autumn

But the leaves

Have yet to fall.

The time is now,

Opportunity is in my waiting hands.

The frost of Winter

A distant expectation.

Mother Earth at her voluptuous best,

Ripened fruit,

Lush with knowledge.

Now is the time of realization,

Seeds of Spring

Long since grown,

Summers promise

At last fulfilled.

Now is the time

Before Winter’s harsh wind

The harvest of self,

To reap reward,

To be at last,

What I was meant

To be.Autumn (1)

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday’s thoughts, today’s project, watercolor and ink.

The Things That Mean The Most

Posted on by | 1 Comment

Small project tonight, but inspired by a great deal of feeling. I mentioned that my son wrote a poem for me for Mother’s Day. As I said the other day I cried when I read it because I really felt like he understood where my head and heart are at these days. I just felt the need to put it in a piece of art. I want to work with it more tomorrow, but two pieces are done for now. He felt bad because he thought he hadn’t done enough for me, it couldn’t be farther from the truth. What he gave me was more than any amount of money can buy. For all the times I think he isn’t listening as I talk, or that in his eyes I am only “Mom”, or that he doesn’t understand that there are things in life that I want for myself, he showed me just how present he is in my life. I couldn’t post earlier because I was waiting to gain his permission to post his writing. He seemed unsure but finally gave the go ahead.

I also painted a sign for a friend. It is one of the things that comes so easy to me, something completely different from the work I want to focus on, but something I think she will like.

 

ImageImageImage

From My Artistic Fridge Into The Frying Pan

Posted on by | 1 Comment

Tonight’s project isn’t really in the pan, it’s in the oven. Just sounds better doesn’t it? As I promised myself at the beginning of this blog, I intend to use up the supplies in my studio over the course of the next year. I started today with adding a little gold leaf around the table top that I painted. I’m really happy with the results. I need to touch up the underside of the table top, and then Dan will be attaching it to the bottom. I’m not sure if I mentioned it before, but the bottom is the stand from a bubble gum machine that I purchased at Goodwill. It’s an ornate metal which I think will look really good with the top. It is a little too shiny, kind of cheap looking right now, I may repaint it and possibly add some gold leaf there too. I was liking the effect of the gold leaf so much that I looked through my crap to find something else to use it on. I found a cheap unfinished wooden frame from the craft store. I decoupaged some vintage wallpaper on it, and then gold leafed the edges. I also have a book of project ideas. More craft than fine art kind of stuff, but I paged through that to look for other ideas for the day. I found something about transferring photo copies using a black and white copy, coloring the back with light gray marker and then transferring it onto another piece of paper. I did it twice, followed the directions exactly and it didn’t work. I was more upset about using up my gray marker than anything else.

The crafty stuff comes really easy to me. I honestly don’t even have to think that much about it. I wish I could find that ease and confidence with the stuff that does matter to me, the fine art stuff. Hopefully by the end of my year-long process that will happen. I’m hoping to gain confidence, but also I think like any instrument if you don’t use it you aren’t going to play well. I’d honestly at some point like to have enough work to have a show. That would be a real achievement for me. I’d also like to get some prints made of my work. Does anyone who reads this know the best place for that? I’d really appreciate the info.

Back to tonight…What’s in the oven? Not a cake, though I wish there was one. I sculpted a few flowers out of home bake clay. In my search for something to do I came across a rough piece of wood. I’m not even sure what it’s from, but I like the texture of it. I thought adding a few sculpted flowers would look beautiful on it.

I’m back with a finished project. Well, almost finished. I glued down the flowers and then painted the whole thing with a coat of white wash. I’m not 100% sold on the white, but it’s late. Tomorrow I plan to finish the table and post a photo. I also am anxious to get back to my oil painting. I need to see if it is dry enough yet. I feel good tonight about the things I got done today. I felt like I let myself down last night. I need to stop second guessing myself!ImageImage

The What If’s…

Posted on by | Leave a comment

I won’t be showing you all of the piece I did today because it is far too personal, it is a very belated Valentine to my husband. In February I was in the midst of wedding frenzy for my daughter’s wedding and many projects were pushed to the side, starting this blog was one, and the other was a Valentine for Dan. I’ve known since then what I wanted to create, but it was on the list of things to get to that I quite frankly didn’t get to.

I mentioned last night about this blog being sort of artistic therapy. There’s nothing sort of about it. I’m reading a book that a friend lent me last night and the character began to start the “what if” game. We all do it, or have done it, or will do it in the future. It is human nature to second guess ourselves, in particular when we are miserable, we screw up, someone gets hurt or God forbid dies. Our maybe we just think with the what if’s comes the greener grass of the other side. Because of course had we chosen the other path things would have been so much better, right? I began this blog, this project bemoaning my lack of artistic training. I spoke at length about the chip on my artistic shoulder. I have a brother-in-law who is a very gifted artist. When I look at his work I have such admiration for his skill. I have no envy, yes, I certainly wish I had the same skill set, but I find myself looking at what I can do, and then come the what if’s. What if I had gotten that kind of family support? What if I had gotten the same amount of training? What could I do if I dedicated myself to my art? What if I had stood up to my father and insisted on lessons? What if I had taken the job in the art gallery when I was nineteen? Where would my art be? Would I still be struggling to find my artistic voice? The problem with starting the what if’s is that if I had made those choices, any one of those choices my life wouldn’t be where it is now. Has anyone ever read “The Five People You Meet In Heaven?”, by Mitch Albom? It really makes you think about the ripple effect of our lives. All the people we interact with in even the smallest way whose lives are changed in that instant because we are in them. That’s what got me working on the project today. Because when I really think about taking any other journey than the one I have taken, whether the decisions were taken out of my hands or not, there are more reasons than I can list as to why I wouldn’t change a thing. I have two beautiful children, and they are both good, decent and kind human beings. If I hadn’t married my first husband I wouldn’t have my daughter, and without his sister my son wouldn’t be who he is. My path led me to my husband. You’ve heard about finding your “soul-mate”? This is the real deal here. I have a tremendous amount of untapped talent, and its true that I’m not really sure who I am as an artist, but it’s also true that I am a good mother and wife. If I had the chance to go back, the chance to follow one of the what if’s, I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything I’ve done, every place I’ve been, every choice I’ve made, both good and bad, is what makes me who I am, and has given the people who are in my life. And if I ask myself what if they weren’t here, well, that possibility is more painful than I can imagine. My art is here, my talent isn’t going anywhere, what if this project makes it better? That is a what if I can live with.

Hear that sound? It’s the sound of the chip beginning to slide off my shoulder.Image

Game Change

Posted on by | 1 Comment

9:45 And an unfinished project. I had another epiphany tonight. It actually came from the project I started last night.  I was angry and frustrated last night because I allowed too many outside influences to get in the way of my art. As a result I was sitting outside last night racing to get something done. I ended the post with “see you in the morning”, but you didn’t hear from me because I didn’t work this morning. I spent the day out enjoying time with my husband. I’ll get to my epiphany in a moment, but first let me explain how it came about.

I started the cigar box last night, I kind of sort of had a plan.  I was going to use the clay molds that I made yesterday, but as I tore apart an old book to decoupage the box the words on the pages began to speak to me. The chapter titles either in single word or in their entirety jumped off the page. “The Unlit Lamp”, “Self -Bound”, “The Second Dreaming”, and more, but in particular there is a chapter named “Accidents Of Imperfection”. (Long explanation ahead!) I feel kind of like an unlit lamp. I have lived my entire life with so much unused talent waiting for the “spark” that would light the artistic fire within. “Self -Bound”, if you’ve been reading my blog that one needs no explanation. “Second Dreaming” feels like where I’m at in my life. If you haven’t figured in out by now, I’m not a young girl, young at heart, yes, but young in body,well, talk to my knees.  As I said, “Accidents of Imperfection” really got me thinking.  I’m a flea market girl. I hate new stuff, the more dinged up, worn out and well-loved something is, the more it means to me. I create on the spur, don’t think about the end results, and actually like things that come out looking old when I’m finished, except for fine art, there I expect perfection.  Somewhere a light bulb went on. Art is subjective, so are opinions, my advice to me is, “Stop it! No one expects perfect, nothing is perfect.” (I think I may be finally making progress with the chip on my shoulder…)

I was so hard on myself last night for not finishing a project yesterday. Then today I was putting incredible pressure on myself to finish not only last night’s project, but thinking I had to get a second project done for today. Epiphany number two, I started the blog, I make the rules. Yes, I said 365 project. Does that mean I will complete 365 projects? I thought so, but then that would mean I could never accomplish anything on a large-scale, or with any real meaning. That would be me doing homework every night for a year, throwing things together just to get something done. That won’t help me accomplish what I set out to do, and that is to find out who I am as an artist. So, new rules. I will work for 365 days, I will use what I already have, but it won’t always be a different project every day. Some days I could end up putting up more than one. It will be what ever it is.

The box is beginning to tell its own story, I don’t know if it’s a long or a short one. Time will tell. I will write and share every day, I will show both finished work and work in progress. I was putting unhealthy pressure on myself. No more!

So, here is what has happened to my box today. I finished the outside decoupage, and started working on the inside. It is turning out to be a very personal piece. I will explain more about that tomorrow.image image