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Tomorrow Is Another Day

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There may come a day, or hopefully days, when I am not typing this blog at ten when all I really want to do is to go to bed. Each night I swear I will put my artistic endeavors above all else the following day, and night after night I sit here knocking out a piece of art after dinner. My poor husband has fallen asleep on the couch far too many times waiting for me to finish, but there is unfortunately always something that gets in the way, and sometimes it’s not even me. There was  cleaning the house, cleaning out cat litter, cooking breakfast, making lunch, grocery shopping, three hours working on the faux brick wall project, and cooking dinner. The day just gets away from me. I’ve hashed this problem out in my head over and over. If I want to do real quality work, and anything substantial I need to start rethinking my life. I need to let some things go. So as Scarlett said, “Tomorrow is another day”, and so I will try again, try to make myself a priority, try to make my artwork a priority. Trouble is when you spend most of your life putting the needs and wants of everyone else first it becomes automatic. As I said the other day, it’s been a month since I started this project. I think I can honestly say that I may have set time aside early in the day less than a hand full of times. But I guess it’s all a work in progress, it isn’t only my work that is growing and evolving, but I think I am doing the same in other ways. I don’t stick to things, I have so many unfinished projects, but here now in my portfolio I have more than thirty pieces of finished art. I’m proud of that, and proud of myself for doing it. I feel like my personal confidence is growing with my artistic confidence, and I know that I feel happier and more content than I did a month ago. Doing things for others is very gratifying, I am a person who likes to give gifts rather than receive them, but I feel like I’m giving myself the best gift I’ve ever gotten, me, the way I was meant to be.

Tonight’s project was a simple drawing exercise. Its something I really need to work on. I know I mentioned the instant gratification person that I am. Drawing runs the gamut between pain and pleasure for me. Sometimes I absolutely love it, sometimes its algebra (a subject best left unspoken about). Painting is much more effortless for me, unless of course I torture myself with architectural type paintings. But I truly believe I can’t be the artist I want to be without working on all my skills.photo(4)

Here Comes The Bride

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Tonight I’m really happy with myself. I spent the day working on two completely different projects, one which I enjoyed, the other not so much. I read on Pinterest how to make a homemade canvas print. It didn’t work on the first try, but that was because I rushed it, the second version came out really good with one exception, I cut the photo just a hint too narrow. The sides get painted black which cures all ills as far as I’m concerned. I didn’t photograph it yet, and I’m tired so I’ll post it tomorrow.

The other project was a crafty sort of thing, which I really don’t do much of, but it still came out well.

After all of that and cooking dinner, it was as usual  late when I started my project. Once I actually got my supplies together and did the basic sketch it was after eight. I once again attempted something I haven’t done before, a watercolor portrait. Earlier in the day I was looking at the photos of my daughter’s recent wedding. I came across more than a few that I loved, but one really stood out. I loved it so much that I decided to draw it, but once I sat down tonight I thought I’d really like to paint it. Because I am the queen of instant gratification I chose watercolor. I knew I wasn’t exactly sure how to do it, but dove in. It’s funny that as often as I talk about the “not good enough” that lives in my brain, I sometimes forget that and forge ahead, and that is always a good thing. I am very happy to say that I think the results are really good. Most especially because I did the painting in about an hour and a half while watching television, in my lap, and with horrible lighting, and it was my first. I think the practice in both technique and confidence are starting to pay off. Here is my beautiful daughter, Jessica.Image

The Things That Mean The Most

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Small project tonight, but inspired by a great deal of feeling. I mentioned that my son wrote a poem for me for Mother’s Day. As I said the other day I cried when I read it because I really felt like he understood where my head and heart are at these days. I just felt the need to put it in a piece of art. I want to work with it more tomorrow, but two pieces are done for now. He felt bad because he thought he hadn’t done enough for me, it couldn’t be farther from the truth. What he gave me was more than any amount of money can buy. For all the times I think he isn’t listening as I talk, or that in his eyes I am only “Mom”, or that he doesn’t understand that there are things in life that I want for myself, he showed me just how present he is in my life. I couldn’t post earlier because I was waiting to gain his permission to post his writing. He seemed unsure but finally gave the go ahead.

I also painted a sign for a friend. It is one of the things that comes so easy to me, something completely different from the work I want to focus on, but something I think she will like.

 

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One Brick At A Time

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Happy Anniversary to me! No, not a wedding anniversary, but an artistic one. This post is my 31st. Big deal, right? It is for me. I have never in my entire life produced thirty plus pieces of art inside a month’s time. Other than following a weight loss program several years ago, I have never stuck to anything that was just for me since my teenage diaries. I had intended to celebrate yesterday, but it was Mother’s Day and other plans took precedence. My intention of celebrating was to do something really special for the day, some really great piece of art. So here it is the next day and did I do some really great piece of art? Yes and no, I guess. I have a friend who has hired me to help her with a decor dilemma. As any artist knows, sometimes you work to pay the bills, and sometimes it’s about helping out someone you care about.

My project today is in its own way a commentary on this blog. So many phrases could be applied to this project I have embarked on. Things such as “one step at a time”, “one day at a time”, you get the idea. I have taken this project “one brick at a time”, some days coming easier than others, some days feeling like a total fraud and failure, drowning in my own doubts, but there have also been amazing days when I have produced pieces that I am really proud of. Art that I look at in awe wondering how I did it. There have been a few days where if you’ve been following my blog, you know I just threw something together to get the “homework” done. I also hope that anyone who sees the good work, the stuff I like, that it evokes something inside you like good art is meant to do. So here on my anniversary, and oh so fittingly is today’s work. It took all day. I suggested that my friend might want to add a faux brick wall to the troubled area in her home. She admittedly doesn’t have the vision I have, where it is already a completed project in my head. So I made her a brick wall, no mortar required. I had a very large cardboard box left over from my daughter’s wedding. With Dan’s help I cut it into a 48×50 inch cardboard wall. We then cut out each and every brick from cardboard, I painted the back to match an existing brick wall that is in the room already, faux finished each individual brick to match existing brick using a photo I had taken in her home,and finally (how appropriate), I attached one brick at a time to the wall. So, I didn’t exactly get to create that “amazing” piece of art for today, but I think I may just have created something much more fitting for the occasion.

 

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A Flower For Mother’s Day

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Happy Mother’s Day to anyone who might be a mom and reading this. It is as almost always the end of the day, and I only hope that if you are a mom you had as nice a day as I did.  I spent the afternoon sitting in the garden drawing with colored pencil. It is a photo I had taken at the Virginia Tech Arboretum. My husband made a beautiful breakfast, my son did the clean up. My daughter and new son in law came over in the afternoon, and then this evening my husband made a beautiful dinner.  I specifically asked that no one spend money that they didn’t have. I have too much in the way of “stuff” in my life, I would rather have something personal. I also requested that neither my daughter or son get flowers, I wanted basil for my garden.  Since I began this blog a month ago I have touched on from time to time not having the family support I needed as a kid to pursue my artistic dreams. That is not the case with my own family now. From my husband some always much needed paint brushes and a beautiful letter, My daughter and son in law gave me a new palette, some oils, a canvas roll for traveling with my brushes, and a small and really small canvas. My daughter also gave me a lipstick she knew I would like. My son gave me something really wonderful. He wrote me a poem based on this artistic journey I am on. It was so beautiful and personal that it made me cry. The people I love most in this world get it, they get me and what this is all about. They have all contributed to me feeling good enough about myself to even embark on this kind of project. It means everything to me. My daughter “likes” my work every day on her Facebook page and shares it with her friends. My husband “likes” it with his blog so that his readers see it too. My son sits by my side and helps me choose which shot of my project is the best one to use. I’m keeping it short tonight. No struggles over my work tonight. Just a deep appreciation for the people who love and support me, and who will be there to help me achieve my dreams. A thank you to all of them. I love you all.Image

From My Artistic Fridge Into The Frying Pan

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Tonight’s project isn’t really in the pan, it’s in the oven. Just sounds better doesn’t it? As I promised myself at the beginning of this blog, I intend to use up the supplies in my studio over the course of the next year. I started today with adding a little gold leaf around the table top that I painted. I’m really happy with the results. I need to touch up the underside of the table top, and then Dan will be attaching it to the bottom. I’m not sure if I mentioned it before, but the bottom is the stand from a bubble gum machine that I purchased at Goodwill. It’s an ornate metal which I think will look really good with the top. It is a little too shiny, kind of cheap looking right now, I may repaint it and possibly add some gold leaf there too. I was liking the effect of the gold leaf so much that I looked through my crap to find something else to use it on. I found a cheap unfinished wooden frame from the craft store. I decoupaged some vintage wallpaper on it, and then gold leafed the edges. I also have a book of project ideas. More craft than fine art kind of stuff, but I paged through that to look for other ideas for the day. I found something about transferring photo copies using a black and white copy, coloring the back with light gray marker and then transferring it onto another piece of paper. I did it twice, followed the directions exactly and it didn’t work. I was more upset about using up my gray marker than anything else.

The crafty stuff comes really easy to me. I honestly don’t even have to think that much about it. I wish I could find that ease and confidence with the stuff that does matter to me, the fine art stuff. Hopefully by the end of my year-long process that will happen. I’m hoping to gain confidence, but also I think like any instrument if you don’t use it you aren’t going to play well. I’d honestly at some point like to have enough work to have a show. That would be a real achievement for me. I’d also like to get some prints made of my work. Does anyone who reads this know the best place for that? I’d really appreciate the info.

Back to tonight…What’s in the oven? Not a cake, though I wish there was one. I sculpted a few flowers out of home bake clay. In my search for something to do I came across a rough piece of wood. I’m not even sure what it’s from, but I like the texture of it. I thought adding a few sculpted flowers would look beautiful on it.

I’m back with a finished project. Well, almost finished. I glued down the flowers and then painted the whole thing with a coat of white wash. I’m not 100% sold on the white, but it’s late. Tomorrow I plan to finish the table and post a photo. I also am anxious to get back to my oil painting. I need to see if it is dry enough yet. I feel good tonight about the things I got done today. I felt like I let myself down last night. I need to stop second guessing myself!ImageImage

Leaving Well Enough Alone

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So tonight I have a really, really , really small piece of art to post. Worse than that, it was a pathetic desperate excuse for a piece of art work for my blog. I’m tired (I know, again, but if you haven’t figured out that I’m just a little older….) anyway, I did work on art today, I worked for hours bent over a project in the yard. I could show you what I did, but you’ve seen it before, several days ago in fact. It is a table top based on a vintage powder can that I own. All it needed was a few touch ups, but then the perfectionist in me took over.  (I’m sort of like Sybil. Who? A woman with sixteen personalities, that’s who. I have several myself, in no particular order, perfectionist, control freak, insecure, and timid to name a few). I’m back! As I was saying, I started doing the touch ups, but then I wasn’t happy with the background color, then the shade of black, the lines were too wide, her forehead to big….insert silent scream here…I pretty much ended up repainting the whole thing. Dan asked about it. He thought I was done, I was done, but apparently not done enough. The biggest issue is time. (Actually the biggest issue is me.) Like most artists, I figure I can never get paid for most of my time. When pricing something to sell you figure in materials, but how do you price time and talent? This table is something I intended to sell. I have now put in more hours than I care to think about. It was fine, everyone liked it, I liked it, but “not good enough” keeps finding the key to my psyche and letting himself in to undermine my efforts.  I need to lock him up and throw away the key, it costs me way too much to have “not good enough” on the loose.

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OK, so here is the table once again. See any difference from the last time? I didn’t think so. Well maybe just a little.       Here is also my “Artist” card, I know…See you tomorrow

Climbing Hills

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My post from last night was pretty short, and I was right I was playing it safe, but life really does get in the way.  Looking back I’m surprised I actually got anything done. We did go hiking yesterday, we hiked for three hours, and climbed to a height of more than twelve hundred feet. I believe I’ve mentioned my bad knees before, I’ve had five surgeries on one knee, and one surgery on the other, I also have a bad Achilles tendon, and scar tissue in my back and neck from a car accident. I’m not talking about this for reasons of sympathy. I’m of the “is what it is” ilk, but the truth is there isn’t a pain-free day in my life. That can really get in the way of creativity. I was really exhausted last night but still managed to turn out a halfway decent piece of art. I think the writing was actually the harder part last night. I really bring up the injuries because as hard as it was to hike up that hillside yesterday, and even more excruciating coming back down (no ACL (alias anterior cruciate ligament) can be torture) but I did it. When Dan checked with me on both the way up and the way down to see if I was doing OK, I said “I’m not going to give in to this.” I thought about that today. I was in real pain yesterday, we’re talking a ten out of ten here, but I am already planning our next hike. I refuse to sit down and let my bad knees, bad ankle and so on get the best of me. So why can’t I have that same attitude with my art? Step after step hurt, but I never gave up, I never said stop, and that’s what I need to do here. Some of the paths were a little more steep than others, some were more rocky, and on the way down more than a few were a little slippery. That is how I need to approach art. Push through the emotional pain, push through the insecurities, refuse to give in.  So today with my tired, aching and creaky bones I made the decision to really look for a project that I am not comfortable with, a painting of a full figure. I’ve never painted a full figure, or even drawn one for that matter. My husband has generously volunteered to pose for me to do some free form figure sketching, but I have yet to take him up on it. I’m diving right in to a 24×48 oil painting.  My subject is my beautiful daughter from a photo that I took. There is a movie called Big Fish that came out several years ago. I saw a still photo from that movie of a girl standing in a blue dress that I just loved. My daughter has a blue vintage dress, so a few years back I asked her to pose in the dress. My intention at the time was of course to paint the photo. Of course that was back in the years of lots of intention for art but no actual work. I looked for that photo today and found it. I sketched it out on the canvas and blocked in a little color for the background. My intention is to have her standing before a blue sky and in a field of grass, and possibly adding a spot of bright color in the form of a flower somewhere.  I won’t show the photo yet as I have not yet spoken to my daughter to gain her permission. I will post the painting as it stands right now. One other little note about my work. I love instant gratification in my work, oil obviously does not allow for that. I usually end up frustrated because I’ve muddied my colors. Not this time. What you see tonight is all that will be done for now. I won’t be working on it again until I can touch the background in a couple of days. I will work on some other things as I wait, maybe even work with my in-house model.Jessica painting (4)

Jessica painting (3)

A New Attitude

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I am definitely feeling a little less stressed about my art. This blog and its daily project have really made me rethink a lot of things. As usual I wasn’t sure what it was I wanted to do today so I looked through my photos for some inspiration. I had taken this photo somewhere along the road back from Vegas. The cafe is abandoned, or at least looks like it is, but what I really loved was the feel of the building and in particular the striped awning. Even though the windows were covered in paper, the awning gave it a festive look, as though waiting to be reopened for a party. The other thing I liked about it was that I found it reminiscent of an Edward Hopper painting. I have always loved Hopper’s work, I think if I had to choose a style to paint in it would be similar to his.

I have made note in previous writings that my perspective is not all that it can be. I really tried on this painting, which by the way is a watercolor. I carefully measured out distances, and tried to get as much accuracy in my perspective as I could, but quite frankly I still struggled. The good news is that at some point I stopped caring. I pushed ahead and finished the painting. I realized that no one who is looking at this painting is going to care all that much if I didn’t get the doorway exactly right, and I am trying not to care either. I’m not making a photocopy but trying to capture an essence or a feeling, and I hope I have done that. In the end I am pleased. I am learning to not be so hard on myself. To be good at anything you need to practice. My artistic skills have been on the back burner for more years than I care to say. As this project continues I will be working more and more. I have seen some improvement already not only in my work but in my attitude about it. It has been almost a month since I began this year-long project, I look forward to seeing what happens down the line.Image

The What If’s…

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I won’t be showing you all of the piece I did today because it is far too personal, it is a very belated Valentine to my husband. In February I was in the midst of wedding frenzy for my daughter’s wedding and many projects were pushed to the side, starting this blog was one, and the other was a Valentine for Dan. I’ve known since then what I wanted to create, but it was on the list of things to get to that I quite frankly didn’t get to.

I mentioned last night about this blog being sort of artistic therapy. There’s nothing sort of about it. I’m reading a book that a friend lent me last night and the character began to start the “what if” game. We all do it, or have done it, or will do it in the future. It is human nature to second guess ourselves, in particular when we are miserable, we screw up, someone gets hurt or God forbid dies. Our maybe we just think with the what if’s comes the greener grass of the other side. Because of course had we chosen the other path things would have been so much better, right? I began this blog, this project bemoaning my lack of artistic training. I spoke at length about the chip on my artistic shoulder. I have a brother-in-law who is a very gifted artist. When I look at his work I have such admiration for his skill. I have no envy, yes, I certainly wish I had the same skill set, but I find myself looking at what I can do, and then come the what if’s. What if I had gotten that kind of family support? What if I had gotten the same amount of training? What could I do if I dedicated myself to my art? What if I had stood up to my father and insisted on lessons? What if I had taken the job in the art gallery when I was nineteen? Where would my art be? Would I still be struggling to find my artistic voice? The problem with starting the what if’s is that if I had made those choices, any one of those choices my life wouldn’t be where it is now. Has anyone ever read “The Five People You Meet In Heaven?”, by Mitch Albom? It really makes you think about the ripple effect of our lives. All the people we interact with in even the smallest way whose lives are changed in that instant because we are in them. That’s what got me working on the project today. Because when I really think about taking any other journey than the one I have taken, whether the decisions were taken out of my hands or not, there are more reasons than I can list as to why I wouldn’t change a thing. I have two beautiful children, and they are both good, decent and kind human beings. If I hadn’t married my first husband I wouldn’t have my daughter, and without his sister my son wouldn’t be who he is. My path led me to my husband. You’ve heard about finding your “soul-mate”? This is the real deal here. I have a tremendous amount of untapped talent, and its true that I’m not really sure who I am as an artist, but it’s also true that I am a good mother and wife. If I had the chance to go back, the chance to follow one of the what if’s, I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything I’ve done, every place I’ve been, every choice I’ve made, both good and bad, is what makes me who I am, and has given the people who are in my life. And if I ask myself what if they weren’t here, well, that possibility is more painful than I can imagine. My art is here, my talent isn’t going anywhere, what if this project makes it better? That is a what if I can live with.

Hear that sound? It’s the sound of the chip beginning to slide off my shoulder.Image